I used to spend a lot of spare time at the movies. In particular I loved going to the cinema by myself. No one to interrupt. No one to rustle chip packets. No one sobbing uncontrollably asking for some tissues.
If I owned my own cinema I would have a number of rules to ensure it was a good experience for all movie-goers:
1. No noisy packets of anything
2. No crunchy food (particularly not consumed by those who like to eat with their mouths open)
3. No slurpy beverages
4. No canoodling
5. No mid-movie conversations
6. No tall people sitting in front of short people
7. No people sitting too close to one another
8. Extra arm rests so there's no awkward tussle over who gets to rest their elbows
9. No one with hacking coughs, incessant sneezing or sniffles (these people would be confined to the 'Cone of Silence' - see rule 11b)
10. No one dressed in anything that smells like moth balls
11a. No one to move seats once the movie has started (this includes movie trailers)
11b. Anyone who wishes to 'talk storylines' mid-movie must be confined to the cone of silence which is a sound-proof room with minimal seating
These days, I'm bringing the cinema-at-home back. I'm not talking flat screens. Heck no.
I'm telling you, I am well versed in DVDs. I love a good DVD.
My latest and greatest picks are:
Man on Wire
And Burn After Reading. A Coen Brothers film, Brad Pitt looks ridiculously silly with a slimey, sweaty mo. George Clooney is just plain silly. And funny. Have I ever told you how much I love Frances McDormand?
Here ends my movie session for the day. Goodbye.