Monday, 14 February 2011

Mothering

Sometimes, emotions, they creep up behind you and BOOM! Slap you in the face, or the back of the head, or they kick your butt, and you're not expecting it, you thought you were past it, but nope. There it is, grabbing your hair and dragging you backwards into the thick of it.

Today my friends, was one of those days.

Today I had my first day off in a long time. I was working five days to try and beat the madness. And today - I flew off the carousel, and it was weird.

I dropped my babes off, one to school, one to preschool, and felt lonely. It's the first time in a long time I've felt this way.


The rush of work has bolstered me through the first week of school. I guess I pushed things aside, my headspace consumed by my work, and much to my own disgust, family life was a very poor second.

If you know me, you known family for me is first and foremost. It's my whole reason for being. So this month of 5 days has been a bit of a struggle. An exciting struggle, but a long, tired struggle.

I felt those pangs of loneliness. Of reality. My firstborn is now at school, for the next ten or so years, whatever he chooses. My littlie is at preschool. And though I'd love another babe, it's not in the forseeable future.

I'm not asking for everyone to host a pity party. On the contrary. This is a slice of my life, and I've not neatly edited out this grief so I look more aspirational. I struggle with the work/life juggle. I feel very much as though I am missing out when I am at work, and when I get home, I am a tired grump, everything good has been sucked from my marrow.

Tomorrow I'm back in the saddle. Missing out, but I've most definitely got my radar on full-tilt. Interested in life.

The Doctor is going well at settling into school. It's hard, but he's doing so well and I am so proud of my little guy. Today he came home and told me he is the 'Book Monitor'. That is SUCH a Lexi thing. We love a book around these parts.

Anyway, I saw this clip from Felicity Moore and thought it suited this post. In fact, it prompted this post. The Doctor was born to the strains of Buble (Tiny was born to Iron & Wine FYI). But on a different level, this clip, it just pulls at my heart strings. Big love to all the mamas out there. x

7 comments:

Loz and Dinny said...

Much love right back at ya. Bloody hell - they don't put the pang thing in the parenting manual do they? By the way that book always seems to be unavailable when I go to get it at the library ... so I've been winging it (don't tell anyone). xx

trash said...

That clip may just change my mind about Michael Buble.

Two Tuesdays said...

Big love to you. Growing up is definitely hard to do and watch. Fingers crossed work calms down soon and you can get back to playing with your cuties.

BOB & MABEL said...

Holy shit balls.......Michael Buble, very funny.
Mother guilt, not so funny. We all have it for one reason or another and it is the worst. I think there would be something to worry about if you didn't feel it.
You're doing a fabulous job as Mumma to your lovely little ones.

Sarah said...

When they say parenting is the hardest job - they were not kidding...

spectacularfairywren said...

oh my god that clip has me WEEEPING!
ANd i love the buble.

won't we be proud mamas though, when they are all growed up?

Lindy in Brisbane said...

Holy shit, how good was that kid? And what a nice guy is Buble? Hope your life slows down enough for you to jump off that carousel a bit more often.