Wednesday, 11 April 2012
Home Is A Salve
Going home this weekend was exactly the tonic I needed.
To hit that open road and get the hell out of Sydney.
The world knows I needed it. I felt lighter getting out of this city. To escape the traffic, the crowds, the noise. I could list endlessly why I needed to get out of Sydney. I'm no longer in love with this city. I feel like it's over between us.
It's not you Sydney. It's me. Actually Sydney - it is you. You've changed. And I don't think I like you anymore.
Going home, feeling my way through familiar spaces, slowing down, feeling the grass underfoot. I got to spend quality time with my babies. Although it's a bittersweet thing, this slowing down. Because when you slow down, you get to know what you miss out on. Everything must be photographed, documented, because who knows when you'll get to do it again? And then by documenting everything, you miss out on being in that very moment. It's almost a paradox.
It's most definitely bittersweet - and the only cure is to book in more holidays to look forward to. I'm looking forward to the June school holidays. Busting out of the city again to enjoy more time with my parents and my wee babes, and more time for living.
Tiny clung on to me this morning as I was about to walk out the door to work. She didn't want me to go. I didn't want to go.
That wasn't bittersweet. It was just bitter.