Tuesday, 11 September 2012
Let's Pretend I Am Dead
I am lying on my sofa doing my tax. I know, I know, you are wildly jealous because anything to do with a pile of invoices and an Excel spreadhseet is akin to an aphrodisiac. It's hot.
But not as hot as being a mother. Because you take the heat, every flipping day. Parenting is hard. But I'm going out on a limb. Mothering is harder. So much is expected of us.
A couple of weeks ago when I got home from work - Matt proceeded to ask me some pretty... silly questions. I can't remember what they were specifically, however if he said: "Where are all the spoons?" - it would make sense. They were those kind of questions, and I had just walked in the door - and he'd been home all day. So how the Hector would I know where the flipping spoons are?
So right then and there I launched a new game.
It's called : "Let's Pretend I Am Dead". Mattel are probably getting the patent ready as I type.
The rules to this fun game are quite simple. Let's pretend I am dead, and you have to forage for the spoons/towels/whatever it is you're looking for by.your.self. And don't ask me for any assistance.
Did you get that the first time around?!
It's a fun and interactive game, where I get to walk off in a huff and lock myself in the bathroom. Until you find the flipping spoons/towels/whatever it is you're looking.for.by.your.self.
It's so fun - the whole family can play.
Has anyone else noticed this? I feel the weight of the household on my shoulders for the most inane matters.
As a mum, I have to do so much - and it's just expected of me. And it's not ok! And for the record, it's not just Matt asking me for things. Bake a cake for the school! Do canteen duty! Volunteer for an excursion! Do reading!
I hate to tell everyone and break the illusion. I am not Superwoman. WonderWoman. Or any other large-undied superhero. I'm plain old Lexi. Stop asking me to do things for you. Stop asking me where the spoons are. I think I'd struggle with it all even if I was a stay-at-home mum. How are we expected to do it all?
We can't. I can't. You can't. Let's pretend I am dead. Just for 10 minutes of silence in the shower - let's just pretend I am dead.
Let's Pretend I am Dead is out now. Please pay funds in to my PayPal account so I can go live with Pixie Skase in Majorca. That'll do nicely. You can visit me at Christmas time.
hot image via here