Monday, 23 September 2013

The Emmys: Lena Dunham, Zosia Mamet, Not Amber Valetta, Kelly Osborne

It's that time of the year when I get to critique dresses. You know I love it. Now let's get into this thing. 

 Look. I really dig Lena Dunham. I love 'Girls'. I love her. I love everything she stands for. She's cool, intelligent and sassy. I dig that. And I really want to dig this dress. I really do. In fact I do love the dress - however if I was asked to trouble shoot I would say - raise the hem a little unless you're multi-tasking appearing at the Emmys and sweeping the floor; I'd wear a more graphic belt; I'd up the ante on the accessories. A big cuff. A fabulous clutch. A statement earring. I don't know, but it looks a little lacklustre, and I want lustre.
 Zosia Mamet is awesome. Ok. Let's get that out of the way. But I see her dress has the same hemline problem as Lena's. A little too long. But that's not the problem here. It looks like she got a car bra and put it on her dress. The dress is great, but the little boobie highlighter is less than great. It's taken this dress from winner to sinner. It looks like her boobies might be peeking through there so they can get a look at the paparazzi too. 
 Is it Claire Danes or is it January Jones? Claire? January? Claire? January? Ok it's Claire. I love the dress, and usually I go MEH at nudes, but this is so pretty. But the hair belongs on North Shore Sydney in the 80s. Do you know how many North Shore mummies are now looking for their bobs Claire? Clearly you've stolen them and you're wearing a bob to the Emmys because you can. 
I first thought this was Amber Valetta and it made me think of when I was 19 and met her at work function, and got completely covered in nervous rash - this red blotchy rash that rises from my chest to my hair line in blotches and makes me all hot. It's incredibly attractive, as you can imagine. However this is not Amber Valetta, it's someone else, and I've never met her, so I didn't even need to tell you that piece of my embarrassing history.
I feel like I need to talk to Kelly Osborne about the colour spectrum and about complementary opposites and the like - and how these are not complementary opposites, but in fact like you rolled Estelle Getty for her wig before you got to the red carpet. I am done with the purple. The dress however is really, really sensational. 


Catherine Alekna said...

I really like the print on Lena Dunham's dress, but i dunno the angle of this photo is off or its not good for her or something... it doesn't look as pretty in this pic as when i first saw it.

lol car bra - why did the designer choose to highlight that part!?!!

Rebecca said...

Claire Danes- I thought you were going to say something about her boosies, or lack of! a nursing bra, maybe? mean maybe, but she looks drab.

Shari said...

I agree I didn't think Lena crashed and burned like all the critics - I love her either way