So I got sick. Got really annoyed at myself for being sick. Started pinning exercise and motivation tips - but meanwhile I was stuck in bed. Bored out of my brains and frustrated.
I waited 'til I got better - and then I rebooted my C25K.
I'm now into week six. It's been hard, and today was particularly hard. I struggled, I kept going, I talked myself in to keep going. I beat myself up, and then I talked myself off the ledge and told myself it was ok to be a little slower some days. I'm immensely tired, and it makes sense that that translates into my exercise.
I'm not a natural born runner. I'm inherently pretty uncoordinated.
Over the last six weeks I've had one part of me telling the other part of me - "This is too hard," "You've had a big day! You can stop now!" and "Why don't you go home instead, you can't do this." And then the other part of me saying: "Just do it, you're doing it, keep going." "You are doing AWESOME, you can do it - you're already halfway through."
And so I break my runs into increments to make it feel more achievable. While those two voices duke it out in my head, my legs keep running.
Sometimes it's hard. Other times I hit my stride. And each time when I finish my run - I am totally stoked that I did it.
Sometimes I get panicky and think: I must stop this now. And then I sort out my breathing again, and get back into my rhythm and I keep going.
I may not be the most talented runner. Or the fastest. Or the best. But I am moving. I am pushing myself.
Six weeks ago I couldn't do this. Six weeks ago I didn't have this stress relief. That relief of endorphins can conquer almost any bitch-ass email that comes my way.
I feel completely exhausted some days. And completely pumped other days.
My body is a wonderland. But not in a Mayer way. It's done incredible things, and it's going to do even more incredible things.
But this is not a go me post. This is a post to say - if I can do this, and if you've thought about exercising more, you can do it. Just start somewhere and you'll end up somewhere else feeling better for it.
I'm not a natural born runner. I'm slow, my gait falters. But I just keep pushing.