Monday, 4 November 2013

Not A Natural Born Runner

I know I've talked about it before, and dabbled in it for a while, but I got sick around eight weeks ago and stopped doing C25K. I was pretty annoyed at myself because I was into week four which is a fair investment on my behalf. 

So I got sick. Got really annoyed at myself for being sick. Started pinning exercise and motivation tips - but meanwhile I was stuck in bed. Bored out of my brains and frustrated. 

I waited 'til I got better - and then I rebooted my C25K.

I'm now into week six. It's been hard, and today was particularly hard. I struggled, I kept going, I talked myself in to keep going. I beat myself up, and then I talked myself off the ledge and told myself it was ok to be a little slower some days. I'm immensely tired, and it makes sense that that translates into my exercise. 

I'm not a natural born runner. I'm inherently pretty uncoordinated. 

Over the last six weeks I've had one part of me telling the other part of me - "This is too hard," "You've had a big day! You can stop now!" and "Why don't you go home instead, you can't do this." And then the other part of me saying: "Just do it, you're doing it, keep going." "You are doing AWESOME, you can do it - you're already halfway through." 

And so I break my runs into increments to make it feel more achievable. While those two voices duke it out in my head, my legs keep running. 

Sometimes it's hard. Other times I hit my stride. And each time when I finish my run - I am totally stoked that I did it. 

Sometimes I get panicky and think: I must stop this now. And then I sort out my breathing again, and get back into my rhythm and I keep going.

I may not be the most talented runner. Or the fastest. Or the best. But I am moving. I am pushing myself. 

Six weeks ago I couldn't do this. Six weeks ago I didn't have this stress relief. That relief of endorphins can conquer almost any bitch-ass email that comes my way.

I feel completely exhausted some days. And completely pumped other days. 

My body is a wonderland. But not in a Mayer way. It's done incredible things, and it's going to do even more incredible things. 

But this is not a go me post. This is a post to say - if I can do this, and if you've thought about exercising more, you can do it. Just start somewhere and you'll end up somewhere else feeling better for it. 

I'm not a natural born runner. I'm slow, my gait falters. But I just keep pushing.


Amy said...

I'm about to start C25K tonight. Tried it once before and could not complete week 1. I'm not overweight - just totally out of shape. This post has given me a boost of motivation for tonight after work!

Amanda @ Ellieboo said...

Go Lexi Go! I am just starting Week 6 tomorrow and Im very nervous. You are so right with the voices in your head - for a few minutes I feel like I could run forever and then the next minute I think I am going to die and my head just says "you could just stop you know!" Good luck with rest of the weeks - so nearly there!

Corinne said...

I so needed to read this as I'm about to start week 2. I have the same voices in my head. I've never been a runner, definitely not a natural born runner. If you'd told me 10 years ago I'd start running I'd have laughed my ass off. Yes, it feels good when push past those voices and keep going.