Saturday, 23 May 2015

On becoming the mother of a 10 year old

This week the Doctor turned 10. 

I can barely believe we welcomed him 10 years ago. I can't imagine life before him, and I can't imagine life without him. 

He is the best gift I have ever been given (and so is Tiny, of course).

In those early heady days of first becoming a mum, I remember through the haze, struggling to feed, and finally walking in our front door with him curled up in my arms, the tiny body of a newborn, and being struck by the gravitas that I was responsible for his survival. 

I felt ill-equipped. Totally out of my depth. 

I was happy to be responsible, but the reality of being responsible for this small being was quite overwhelming. 

And so I started to learn to become a mum. And I loved it, despite the lack of sleep, the intense learning curve, the fact that I lacked the ability to shower most days before midday, let alone eat breakfast (I remember my sisters being disgusted at my Weet Bix being a sludgy mess, they couldn't believe I would actually eat them that way!). 

I don't think I was particularly good at it, but as the Doctor grew up, so did my confidence. 

We'd go on daily walks to the park, we'd go train spotting, we'd walk to the train station and meet Matt after work - where the Doctor's legs would pump furiously and he'd be SO happy to see the trains, as were the commuters to see this bonny, chubby rosy-cheeked boy exhilarated by the engines pulling in and going off. 

Such were our days. 

The Doctor filled my days, sometimes I cried, some days were so tough, but most days we had fun. Climbing, playing with the ducks, following the shadows, eating play dough (him, not me), setting up train track after train track. My heart is heavy thinking of those days, because my goodness I do miss them. They were uncomplicated, happy and innocent. 

But I'm not here to cast my mind back to coulda, woulda, shoulda, I'm here to say, being the mum of a 10 year old is a gift. I can barely believe we're here. But I am so glad we are. 

Happy birthday my beautiful child. May we always be close. x


Hayley Blease said...

Oh beautiful!! You're doing an ace job. Love the simple love of trains with boys. Happy birthday doctor! Double digits rock 🎈 x

hugoandelsa said...

Happy Birthday to the Doctor! What a beautiful post Lexi. I know you are a fabulous mother. I miss those early childhood days too, they were so precious. sniff x

dear olive said...

This is a beautiful read. Ten! Such a big milestone, and if he's even half as wonderful as his Mum then he's absolutely winning at life. Happiest celebrating to you all. Kellie xx

Rach @ mogantosh said...

Gorgeous letter Lexi. Happy birthday little one!

Reannon @shewhorambles said...

They grow so fast.... Happy birthday to your boy & may you enjoy the next 10 just as much x

Clare from Checks and Spots said...

Happy Birthday to the Doctor! And happy 10th mama anniversary to his beautiful mum! Being the mother of son is like swimming in honey. There really is like nothing else. Every day makes your heart swell.

Gemma Burns said...

Happy birthday to the Doctor! How fasr decades pass when you have (not so) wee smalls. x