It's that time of the year when we celebrate the milestones of our children with end of year concerts, presentations and all the malarky that comes with Christmas. If you're like me, sometimes your eyes get drippy - it's a little documented fact that once those maternal hormones start churning - your eyes drip. A lot. And I - at your service, have come up with a way to thwart those pesky drips.
1. Be Anna Wintour: You know how Anna wears sunglasses, like, everywhere. Well why can't you? Go into the classroom with your oversized Von Zippers (oh - maybe they're Chanel?) - no one needs to know your eyeballs are sweating. Do they? Nope. You're sitting front row at the end of year concert and the pollen goes - bOOM - smack bang into your eye? Sunglasses will stop that pollen from even getting close to your cornea. Your little cherub receives an award and your eyes starting that tell-tale tingling? Make like you're a celebrimummy and don a pair of oversized sunnies and not only stop your eyes from melting - but look like a complete kooky snob. Who knew reading the concert program could be so, er, difficult wearing sunglasses?
2. Bite the inside of your mouth - or your tongue: Did you know that if you bite the interior of your mouth - it is associated with distracting your eyes from become pools of water? Try it. I do. Often. This tip will serve you well in school concerts to come.
3. Go cross-eyed: Try crying and being cross-eyed at the same time. You just can not do that. And then add a mirror into it - yes go on, just slip that compact mirror out and have a wee peek at how silly you look. See. Look who's not crying now.
4. Look Upwards: What? I'm not crying! The sun's in my eyes. Ok it may not work indoors, but worth a shot outside. Oh ouch - something just flew into my eye. There's another tip I threw in as a freebie.
5. Laugh: Pump up the volume on those endorphins and laugh. Or smile. Whatever floats your little boat.
6. Pinch Yourself. Hard: Have you ever tried this? Nope probably not, because I am probably the only one that's afflicted with lactating eyeballs. But if you ever find yourself in that sitch - then pinch yourself. And hard. No. Not that hard. Just enough so that the pain distracts you.
But of course, my favourite is number one. Mainly because I want to sing this to any mums that turn up wearing sunglasses in the school hall.
There-ends my tutorial on how not to cry at the school concert. Early next year I'll be hosting a how-to not cry at the school gate as our little babes head off to Kindergarten. That's right. I'm going to be the one sobbing in the car afterwards. But not at the gate!
