Met Gala Ball 2014:: Emma Stone, And A Bunch Of Others - As Commentated By Tiny

So tonight I showed Tiny all the photos from the ball. This may have been an error because she then asked me if I was going to give the celebrities her feedback. 

I told her no, I didn't have their number. 

She replied, 'Maybe try and get their dial.'

Without further ado I give you Tiny's (abbreviated) style commentary. Honestly. She wanted to keep doing all of them. But I sent her to bed. 

 Blake Lively: Beautiful mermaid, love the bit on the ground like a mermaid tail. 

Emma Stone: Beautiful, like a stunning little flower.  

 Charlize Theron: Beautiful because it has two stripes and I do like loops a lot. 

 Gisele Bundchen: She looks like slime. And I like it. 

 Kristen Stewart: Like a rockstar that's on stage, her face is like a red shining fish (!)

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley: I think she is a golden chest of money.

The Doctor got interested in commentating too:

I like the dress, but not the wearer. 

Met Gala Ball 2014:: Shailene Woodley, Beyonce, Erykah Badu, Rachel McAdams, Lupita Nyong'o

 Tiny said: She looks like an arrow. 

I feel like I am about to turn into the Incredible Hulk. I know it's meant to be on-trend, fashion-forward and whatever else you want to say, but I am so freaking fed up with granny panties on parade. I want to see glamour on the red carpet, not your Bonds cottontails. Yeah, yeah it's Queen Bey, but I refuse to bow down, I know I might get shot down in flames, but I fear I am suffering Beyonce Burnout.

 Pharrell - if you're looking for your hat, Erykah Badu has it. 

 Rachel McAdams looks about as exciting as a manila folder. 

Tiny said: I like it, but I don't like it. Mum this would look beautiful on you.

It wouldn't. 

Met Gala Ball 2014:: Kristen Wiig, Breastplate Girl, Solange, Nicole Ritchie, Big Skirt Girl, Maggie Gyllenhaal

HOORAH!! I think Kristen Wiig nailed it! I love this, she looks sharp, and I'm not just referring to her pointy shoes.  Although I am left wondering about that mullet style skirt action. Business up front, party at the back?

I don't know who this is, but she's ready with her breastplate to go dirt bike riding. Handy when you're on the red carpet.

Solange is another person I'd like to be my BFF. I looooove this custom dress. And can she give her sister some hints to stop showing off her granny panties? I am sick of granny panties. And the word panties. It's disgusting.

Yes. Yes. Yes. This reminds me of going onto Level Seven at David Jones when it was all imported designers, and touching the Alberta Ferretti frocks. I lusted after those damn things so hard. I really thought I'd get married in one. And then I forgot about that dream. Oops. In other news, I really love Nicole Ritchie. She's a cool bird.

 Go big or go home was this woman's style brief. And who can blame her. Create some drama and impact, and knock everyone else over on the red carpet with that huge skirt. That way you can score all the red carpet photo opps. 

I would love to be friends with Maggie too. And I LOVE this dress. It's not run of the mill mermaidia style, and I have to thank her for that. She's got a good eye, and she's not afraid to wear something different. And PS - new hair. She's a goddess. 

Met Gala Ball 2014:: Amber Valletta, Sofia Coppola, Stella Tennant, Michelle Williams

I know I've told you before I have met Amber Valletta many, many years ago - and I got covered in nervous rash - all over my chest and my face. I love a woman in a man-style tux on the red carpet. The dazzle. The razzle. I love it all. 

Sofia Coppola always looks beautiful. Always. She's my style guru. Except tonight she's also doing the awkward lean. Which makes things... awkward. 

Let it be said, this is my favourite, favourite, favourite dress from the whole soiree. I love the blue feather - it's kind of Mr Snuffleufagus meets a sun bleached Cookie Monster. And I love it. 

And then there was Michelle. Sigh. Swoon. Curtsey. She is the best, isn't she? Do you think she'd be friends with me? (In a non-creepy way). I just adore her. SO FREAKING MUCH.

Tiny said: she looks like a tiger with blue stripes.  

Met Gala Ball 2014:: Amanda Peet, Donatella Versace, Kim and Kanye, Dita Von Teese, Christy Turlington, Lena Dunham

I feel like Amanda is punking us. Every time she walks the red carpet, it's like she's taking the piss a little. Like there's so much potential, but then her arms look like Beetlejuice just regurgitated them. And a big dirty spider wove it's web all over her just for kicks. 

So I got Tiny to review a lot of these dresses with me. She didn't see this one, so I am just going to say it: swamp monster. 

It must be really hard work to be so awesome. *cough* I wish I had the same amount of self-love that Kanye does. Kim looks pretty gorgeous, and I really love her shoes. But I can't help but wonder if she got a wax recently. 

 Dita Von Teese I don't believe has ever put a fashion foot wrong. Drama, style. BOOM! Nailed it. 

I am going to be frank. I really love Christy Turlington. And have so since I was a teenager. And this? This tips me over. I adore her. Truly. Really. I think Ed might too.

Oh crumbs. You know I will champion Lena any which way, but not today. This dress is wrong dot com on anyone. It looks like origami gone wrong. Say no to origami dresses Lena. 

Met Costume Institute Gala: Anne Hathaway, Gwyneth Paltrow, Minka Kelly, Giselle Bundchen

Anne Hathaway in vintage Valentino airing her newly peroxided hair. And her hooters. Hello hooters! HELLO! Edgy. Cool. And Miley Cyrus' doppelganger. Who did it best?

I really, really love Gwyneth, seen here in Valentino. And I really, really love Valentino. I just don't really, really love this dress. Not. Flattering. At. All. It's flattening instead. I do think Emily Blunt looks gorgeous in the background. 

This is Minka Kelly. Always. Looks. Beautiful. Though I have zero idea who she is. 

What is Giselle doing?! Please explain.

Met Costume Institute Gala:: Jennifer Lopez, Nicole Ritchie, Miley Cyrus, Solange Knowles, LInda Evangelista

Has J-Lo ever looked hotter? Nuh uh. She just keeps getting better and better. It might shock you, but I really love this look on her - that Michael Kors frock clings to her every curve, and the world is a better place for it. Sigh.

Nicole Ritchie in Topshop. Tiny told me "this is not really my thing", but I have to say, I kind of like it. Quirky, adventurous and avant garde - exactly what was needed at this soiree. Though I wish she didn't accept the product placement from White Out, it all works together. And kudos to her for wearing Topshop and shunning the trend to wear dresses worth gazillions. She's a budget savvy broad. 

So the theme of  the Costume Institute Gala was 'PUNK: Chaos to Couture'. I dig that Miley took the theme head on, and she won.  I may not love her hair, her dress might not be my favourite, but I am all for someone who has the guts to play with a theme. Punk 0 Miley 1. 

 Solange. Solange. Solange. I've not one bad thing to say. I just love her so.

Linda went one step further with the Punk theme - and went Gothic. Though she looks lovely, I'm wondering if she might be more at home on the set of a Victorian film as an extra? She looks like the ghost of Christmas past. And the one before that. And the one before that. 

Met Costume Institute Gala:: Someone Pregnant, An Olsen Twin, Heidi Klum, Kiki Dunst, The Other Olsen Twin

These two are cute. I love him touching her bump like that. Super cute. But those 'lashes? Feels like those feathers flew off and landed on girlfriends eyelids. 

 This is one of the Olsen twins. Not sure which one. I kind of like this Halloween pumpkin meets I dream of Genie's' mother look. I'm just unsure what that pose is saying to me. What's it saying to you? 

I am so bored. Yes she looks lovely. But boring. And I never understand that boned bodice thing. It's like a piece of armour. Positive? I really like the lady in the backgrounds shoes. 

Not a huge fan of this halter style, it reminds me of Vegas. Or Miami. Not that I've ever been to either. But I do like how her hooties make that little x where they meet. It's like a kiss. 

 The other Olsen twin. I can never tell which one is which. This will suffice, right? 

Met Costume Institute Gala:: Kim Kardashian, Emma Watson, a Countrylink seat, Ginnifer Goodwin and a Crunchie Wrapper

Before ANYONE says anything, I can see what Kim was going for here. But alas, I think the gloves went one step too far. And the fact that there's barely any flesh showing. Big mistake. Yes, on the flipside, there's a big split up the skirt, but it doesn't save poor beautiful, blooming Kim from looking like some Victorian wallpaper. Let it be said, I do love her understated hair and make-up. She is radiant. 

 I really love Emma Watson. Effortlessly stylish, a real English rose, she's just beautiful. Unfortunately, I don't feel the same about this frock. Matt described it as a sheet that's been wrapped around her, and that her boyfriend has come and snip-snip-snipped it in some precarious places. Normally I wouldn't like the torso cutaway, but I think it looks so good on her, I just don't dig on black. Yawn. Boring. 

 Certainly not boring is this person's dress (if you can call it that) fashioned from some old Countrylink seating. And the trim? The can opener thingie from Coke cans she collected along the street. On a positive note, she does have fabulous pins. 

Ginnifer Goodwin is NOT my favourite star, mainly because she reminds me of a girl I once worked with who I didn't get along with. Poor Ginnifer. I know it's not fair. And neither is life. Or the fact that your make up artist wanted to try out her new Stila Smudge Pot for the first time - and well, thought it was a colouring in competition and things got a bit heated and heavy handed. Either that or you asked for some eyebrow extensions and BOOM! It is of course customary to leave on a highnote, and for me, this dress is a winner. 

A lot of Crunchie wrappers died for this dress. Positives? At least the bordello down the road knows where their harness went. 

2012 Met Costumet Institute Gala: Kirsten Dunst + SJP + Gisele Bundchen + Lily Collins

Kirsten - I feel we're not at the same venue. Nor the same event. Where you're conjuring a 1940s war film, everyone is razzle dazzle. Either that or you raided Barbara Walters wardrobe and all you came up with was this. I'm not  fan of the double-breasted jacket, but damn girl, you do kind of pull this off. However, Rodarte, you made her look like a mature-age minx. 

Did you know that they're making a film of 'Little House On The Prairie Goes To New York' and SJP stars as Laura Ingalls? No. Me neither. But it looks like SJP just came straight from the set. 

 Gisele Bundchen - divine. Simple. Elegant. Givenchy. I need say no more. 

Yes, yes, I do understand this might not be everyone's favourite, stop arguing with me dear reader. No. I won't. Don't try to wrestle the keyboard from my... I'm back to declare I love this Valentino frock. Ethereal. So pretty. I have no idea who Lily Collins is, but doggone she is beautiful. 

images via here