Oscars 2014:: Kelly Osbourne, Scorsese, Naomi Watts, Gaga, Margot Robbie, and WOWOWOWOW!! Julie Delpy.

Kelly Osbourne is appearing in Mary Poppins. You didn't know this. Now you do. You heard it here first. 

Scorsese's suit is wow. Amazing. Ok who am I kidding? I don't give a toss about tuxedos. Once you've seen one piece of black fabric cut into a boring suit, you've seen all the boring bits of black fabric. 

Naomi Watts, to me, friends, feels a bit safe. You know me, I love some colour, I love some razzle. I love some pomp and circumstance. You look lovely. But - oh let's just jolly well fast forward. 

Gaga, oh la la. Gaga, oh la la. See what I did there? I can see why the papa-paparazzi are going berserk. Call up Alessandro, get him on the Telephone. There's no Bad Romance here. This is sheer red carpet magic. I know you see what I did there. And you liked it.

Margot Robbie was probably slated as stealing the thunder from J-Law. And here she is - dressed in black. Is she in the next Men in Black? Is she in mourning with Glenn Close? As my mother would say, black is such a harsh colour. And this thunder from down under failed to storm. 

Ahhh mon chérie! Très bien! Très jolie! Julie Delpy, despite me detesting all those sunrise, sunset movies, this dress is divine, and I am madly in love with it. Truly. Madly. Deeply. 

Oscars 2014:: Glenn Close, Jessica Biel, Anna Kendrick, Emma Watson, Jennifer Garner, Liza Minnelli and OLGA

 I do kind of like this. I do. It's Zac Posen, and I like it. But I also think it looks like a Victorian mourning gown. She just needs a netting veil and then she's on her horse drawn carriage and away driver, away! 

 Jessica Biel, do we know how to spell - beige?

 Ever since I saw Anna Kendrick in that beer ad for Newcastle Brown Ale she's pretty much cemented herself in my awesome chicks list. She could wear a garbage bag made out of biodegradable plastic and I'd still be a fan.

Yes, yes, yes. Emma Watson - always magical. Vera Wang today - style icon tomorrow. This time, thankfully you got enough fabric to wrap all the way around.  

 SO - let's get this straight. I love Jennifer Garner, I love this dress, and I love the whole look. It does however remind me of this Muppet's eyelashes and fringe. 

AND one of Dolly Parton's tiered fringed dresses. I just spent way too long googling to no avail. Just trust me. 

 Look. I want to be kind. But silk satin on the red carpet is a friend to no one. 

Not even to those nipple pasties. No. Not even. 

And then there was Olga. Take my breathe away. Holy smokes. That red carpet is on fire. 

Oscars 2014:: Meryl Streep, Viola Davis, Sally Hawkins, Penelope Cruz, Michael Fassbender

Meryl Streep looks pretty darn banging. And once you've finished watching the Oscars, she does table service too. Cocktail anyone? 

I say yes to jewel like tones. I say yes to this form-fitting frock - that flares at just the right spot. Viola Davis, I do love this - and I would have loved it even more with a jolly big Harry Winston necklace. If that fails, well Lovisa never did me wrong.

Sally Hawkins was fabulous in Blue Jasmine - and she's fabulous on the red carpet. This is another of my favourite looks. Well played Sal, well played.  

 Long time no see Penelope, and my goodness girlfriend, I am so glad you are back. You did not disappoint. Part-time Grecian goddess, full-time awesome. I love this. 

I did initially think this was Fassbender's wife. And it reminded me of a time I was on the door at a celeb event greeting guests. A well known cricketer came in with his mum. I thought how nice it was to bring your mum to an outing. A few hours later my brother-in-law thankfully corrected me - informing me it was his wife - NOT his mum, before I  could tell said cricketer how nice it was. PHEW. Anyway, this is Michael Fassbender. And this really is his mum. 

Oscars 2014:: Anne Hathaway, Jared Leto, Charlize Theron, Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock

 Oh you guys, I really want to love Anne. But this looks like something a 50 something might wear. It's Gucci, oh yes, but it's like a Microplane. If she were offering me some parmesan, I would have to say: YES PLEASE. 

 Jayde is going to freak, but I am just wondering if Jared wants me to wash his hair? And then chop it off with my blunt scissors. 

 Charlize Theron always owns the red carpet. This, my friends, is a goddess. 

And then there was Julia. And her peplum. And - oh man, I ducking from rotten tomatoes, I quite like this peplum. What's come over me?

Oh Sandra, this is dynamite. Back to the old school glamour - this is how navy can look incredible on the red carpet. All luxe and moody, drapey, divine. Oh Sandra, how wonderful. 

Oscars 2014:: Cate Blanchett, Jennifer Lawrence, Lupita Nyong'o

Cate Blanchett in Giorgio Armani - could you look anymore frothy and beautiful, captivating and divine? Nope. Doubt it. This pretty much ticks every box in the house. And the removalist truck, the warehouse, anywhere there are boxes, this look is ticking it. She looks like my all-time favourite Barbie - 'Peaches 'n' Cream'. Sigh.

And then there's Lupita Nyong'o in Prada. Swoon. No fashion foot ever put wrong, this divine creature nails the red carpet. These are my two favourite frocks - Hollywood glamour, romance. A powdery baby blue. 

 I know, I know, I know I am the only woman to hate peplums. I really hate peplums. This may have something to do with two things: 
a) I have hips and I don't need to draw attention to them
b) I think it looks like you're about to ride side saddle to rescue some poor dingo stranded in a drought. 
I hate peplums and I hate the peplums that attacked J-Law on the red carpet. Look at them sitting up there trying to steal her thunder. I hate peplums in the spring time, I hate peplums in the summer. And the winter. And the Autumn. Any time. I hate peplums.

 Yes yes, very good looking couple. Hot gene pool.

If anyone is looking for their daughter's school uniform, Amy Adams refashioned it into her dress. I hate to be the party pooper but this is as boring as a school sock. Not even any razzle dazzle. I am scrunching this up at the bottom of my school bag.
Meh.