Friday, 18 January 2008

I'll Try To Keep It Brief

When did I go from being someone that only wears g-strings to someone that only wears a full brief?

I've also gone from being someone who wears pretty bras to someone that wears pretty ugly bras.

The transition occurred shortly before I gave birth to my first child and sadly I've not gone back. I've become a bonafide hipster brief junkie. I can't go past the sublime comfort of the Bonds Hipsters. More boyleg than cottontail, these utilitarian knickers see me through day in and day out (a new pair each day of course) - but they're certainly not the sort of lingerie your husband longs to discover once (hey - if) he tears your clothes off in a blaze of passion.

I'd until recently been hoarding my BC (BC - before-children) lingerie. Occasionally I'd take them from the far flung corner of my drawer - inspect the intricate lace, the candy-like confections of colour - pale pinks, creams, lavenders. Then I'd replace them for the day I would suddenly transition back into an undercover saucy minx.

They've not been worn for three years. Finally today I held a silent ceremony of sorts and extradited them to better places (read: the charity bin, and the bin). It's over. My body's changed and I no longer wear them. If I do go back to my former lingerie life, surely by that time I deserve some new lacy lovelies. Plus my growing Hipster collection needs some more space - not only that - my derriere has now reached J-Lo proportions - but that's for another post.

So why do mummies have to relegate themselves to comfy - but ugly - undies?

I realise mummies do not exclusively wear briefs. One of my sister's friends was in denial that she was in labour one day, went shopping with her husband and decided that they really should drop into the hospital just to make sure all was well. Her labour progressed before they had a chance to shoot home and pick up her labour bag. She was wearing her obligatory nude g-string. After the birth she had no choice but to don her g-string once more - this time with the rude over-sized maternity pad that was so large it could probably also double as a surfboard - balanced on the tight-rope of her knickers.. Not comfy. So there is at least one reason mummies have been conned into briefs.

I'm also just back into nursing bras and joyfully discovered the Bonds Bumps range. Comfy, functional. Boring (in a palette of black, white, nude - and who wears this colour MAUVE?) and plain cotton but supportive of my new found lady lumps. Plus they're tough enough to withstand the wear and tear (and spillages) of an eight-times a day feeder.

Hot Milk ( make foxy lingerie for foxy mamas - but they're always sold out in Australia - which just goes to prove - mamas want to look hot, but there's only so many mamas that can be hot before they run out of hot knickers.

My professionally fitted Berlei feeding bra is appalling. It doesn't fit. My Anita Maternity bra has bitten the dust - and really, it wasn't that pretty to start with. And I quickly discarded my ugly Finelines bras as soon as I finished nursing my firstborn - they were unfit for anyone to see, they were so ugly they were an embarrassment. Elle Macpherson's Bendon range has pretty bras - but they don't fit. I've trekked countless websites searching for an answer to my unattractive lingerie - but to no avail.

So for now I am just settling on the trusty Bonds underwear. Comfy knickers that don't ride, and bras that verge on the boring, but they're comfortable and they do the job. My BC underwear lies testament that I did once have respect for my lingerie drawer, but for now, there's no option but to go for comfort.

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