Thursday, 1 April 2010

Raising The White Flag

After my chat with Judy at Karitane, I must tell you, I felt empowered.

Prior to that, my stamina was waning. I was just thinking I would give in to Tiny. I was that plum tuckered out. Matt's studying, I'm kind of half-assed solo parenting except for when I have a meltdown. Giving in seemed... better.

But Judy... Well Judy changed me. She gave me back my power as a parent. She basically told me what I needed to know, and probably already knew but needed that gentle reminder. That gentle guide to say - hey lady, this is what you do, this is how you do it, and you can do it.

Go Judy. Go me.

So last night I did manage to get Tiny to go to bed at 8:30pm. This was an additional 2 hours of faffing about on her behalf, but seriously a huge improvement on the previous midnight.

I went in to check on her before bed. I opened the door - and - well, I couldn't open the door. There was a heavy boink. Oops. Tiny was asleep on the floor at the door. So I had to carefully manoeuvre her out of the way without rousing her or hurting her and popped her back into bed. But she was asleep! Triumph! Trumpets! Fanfare! Pomp and circumstance, puh-lease!

Do yourself a favour (and everyone in your life), if you need help, if you need to raise the flag, raise it. It's so worth it. To realise that you're not alone, and that there is help available. And in Australia we are so, so lucky to have so many free resources available to us. Such as:

- or your local Early Childhood Nurse

Use them! That's what they're there for, that's why they receive funding, and the more people who utilise these services, the more funding they get and they can grow bigger and better.

AND I also think that airing your problems is not to be frowned upon.

When I was speaking to Julie-Ann of Tresillian at the Pampers Perfect Night's Sleep evening, she reiterated this: you'll be surprised if you say, I am having a crummy time, no sleep, no support etc, how many people will pipe up and say 'oh me too', or if you say I have depression, there are lots of other people living with depression who will come forward too, or it could be 'I had a miscarriage' and a lot of women have lived through the pain of a miscarriage and grieved alone. In my experience a whole other world exists - so many people suffer in silence rather than feeling like they can talk about it or to someone because of the stigma attached.

So ladies, let's dissolve these stigmas.Let's break it down. Some of them try to rhyme but they can't rhyme like this. Starting from next week I'll be dipping into stigmas. It will be deeply engaging. A cutting edge report. Stay tuned. Stay close to your 'puter. And stay uber cool. Deal-io?
images via Scout Holiday - she makes the most beautiful leather necklaces - I likey.


Michelle said...

Relived to hear that you found some help and hopefully had some sleep. Parenting little ones is bloody hard yakka.

Looking forward to more on stigmas.


Sara said...

Power to you! Power to everyone! I'm just an aunt and a nanny to my 7 mth old nephew - but I do want to have my own little people one day and so I'm already finding the "stigma" of do's and don't when parenting - makes it all seem so much harder to speak up and find help.

Linda said...

I have a whole range of infertility issues and will most likely never be a parent. I have nothing but respect for you. Hardest job on Earth, for sure.

Sara, I'm an aunt - but never 'just' an aunt. And neither are you. It takes a village to raise a child, and you are a very important part of the village raising your niece/s and nephew/s.

Looking forward to these upcoming posts. Love your work, PMM :-) So glad you got some sleep.


Rebecca Beach said...

I'm so pleased to hear things are improving for you. Children are just the best things in the world but my god don't they test you!
Here's to asking for help :)

Cath @ chunkychooky said...

Good luck tonight and I agree use the resources available- thats whta they are there for. the Breastfeeding association were so brilliant when busy was a bub.

Lucy said...

Oh sweet relief. And I agree. Use all resources, & go with your gut. And if your gut is just too knackered, use the resources. And be gentle on these babies of ours, and indeed, be gentle on every other Mummy you may meet.

gret said...

I'm so relieved to hear you had success last night. So pleased and hoping it continues. Great idea for next week's posts too - I'll be reading!

Chantelle {fat mum slim} said...

I'm so happy for you. And I realise that I need help too.

I'm going to give them a call and hopefully get some solutions. I need sleep so badly. It's starting to really wear me down. x

mama bear said...

Success! Power to you lady. Very happy you found yourself in the land of slumber last night.

And great post, I had no idea about those resources. That would've come in handy had PB not been home to help me last night during Screamfest 2010.

PS. I love those necklaces too, have been coveting them for a while now but so far managed to keep restrained. xx

Anonymous said...

Hooray for sleep! Well done Tiny and Mama.

Anna Bartlett said...

I went to our state 'baby sleep clinic' when my second son was 9 months old and it saved our marriage - we were at the 'hallway sex' stage (where you meet in the hall and growl at each other "it's your *&^%ing turn", "no, it's your %$#@!ing turn", etc). It did the trick, but even 12 months later (when he could climb out of his cot) we had to let him cry a little, then we'd go in and carefully push his little body along the floor as we opened the door and carefully popped him back in bed. Thank you for reminding me - it's now a fond memory.
And cheers to discussing stigmas - my second baby was stillborn and there's a huge club of us out here, but it's very rarely spoken about.

teddybearswednesday said...

Go you totally! So glad things are a bit improved.
I agree with you totally about talking about stuff. But it can be really hard to take the first step or reach out, speak up.( I'm assuming that applies to non mumma's too)

dorothybills said...

Fantastic, so happy for you! I got tears while reading as the memories of hard times with little ones came back to me (my daughter didnt sleep through til 4yrs,I was rocking her to sleep when she was almost three and I was nine mths pregnant,and then in the middle of the night she would sleep in our bed and I would go into hers, just so we could survive! Crazy)
I think it's so inportant to chat with fellow mums honestly, because we all go through hard times and it's so nice to know others are the same, well done for getting help yourself!
Hope you get many good sleeps, Eleesa x

Leonie said...

Hoorah for some success! Hoping it continues for you and becomes a long standing arrangement :-) Best Wishes for a fabulous Easter with lots of uninterrupted sleep. God on you for seeking help when you needed it. I consulted a child psychologist with my eldest for behavioural problems when he was 2.5, all he needed was his naps taken away from him because he wasn't sleeping long enough at night and so the bad behaviour came from sleep deprivation on his behalf!!! It's amazing how some big issues can be resolved with little changes.
Looking forward to more stigma exposure.

Rachel said...

Congrats on calling on getting your power back. Kids can be absolute little buggers when it comes to sleep and everything is harder when you are tired. Good work on having some success with the tiny tyrant!

Siobhan Curran said...

More often than not, once you tell someone you need help the weight is already half lifted from your shoulders. This parenting thing is a tough gig, no doubt about it. Good on you for seeking help. I've had two friends that didn't or couldn't and they're no longer here. Us ladies have to keep an eye on each other, for sure.

running thread said...

Well done. For speaking up, for telling it like it is and for making huge progress. Parenting is HARD. And it's even harder when you feel you're alone. And even harder still when everyone around you seems to be coping just fine. But are they, really? I wish more women could actually be honest and say what's going on for them. Hope you're continuing to get some sleep and some time for YOU.