Thursday, 21 April 2011

I'm Having a Mid-Life Crisis. And Other Crapola.

Today at work, someone told me that they thought I was like an older person trying to cling onto their youth (my youth, not theirs), because I abbreviate my words, such as "the youshe" (the usual), "totes" (totally - courtesy of Pip), and other words I use such as "ace", "awesome", "rad".

The person continued telling me what they thought of me. A kind of character assassination while I went about making myself a cup of tea. That's what old people do apparently.

I offered in response that I thought they were mean.

They agreed.

And I informed them that just because they were 12, didn't give them the right to dissect my vocab.

Now, on the flipside, I now feel like I'm having a midlife crisis.

I've hated being 31.

31 is like nothing. 31 is neither here nor there.

30 was fine. I loved 30. But 31 for me, it sucks.

I think reading "Revolutionary Road" perpetuated my little mid-life crisis, a little.

The idea that you think you're special. That something amazing is going to happen to you, the idea that by the time you're whatever age you imagined, you're going to have a house, life will be easy, life will be easier. You'll be all sorted. And yet, when you reach that oft imagined age, none of what you'd dreamt of earlier has been attained.

I've not won Lotto. I think it's my lucky day if I find $2 on the footpath.

I work 4 days a week.

I pay bills late.

I sometimes buy groceries and when I go to pay, my keycard is declined.

I often drive the car around on empty.

I thought that by now I'd be grown up. But I don't feel any different. I don't feel like how I imagined I'd feel. I don't feel like I am truly an adult. And yet here I am. 31. Two kids. And a kidult.

Apologies for the Emo post. I'll resume with upbeat posting tomorrow. Promise. I'll eat more chocolate and be happier. That's fo' shiz.


Mon Alisa Design said...

Me too. I recently asked my hair dresser for a Chrissy Amphlett do. The response...Who's Chrissy Amphlett? WTF??!! I couldn't believe it!
I'm 31 too. 12 or not....poo to them with nobs on. We rock honey! xxx

little love said...

I'm 31 too! And the words 'dude', 'rad' & 'awesome' are in my vocab too. We are children of the 80s, these are our words, we own them! Those little people can just go away!

[Good Mum Hunting] said...

I use those words in my daily vocab all the time! Totes Magotes!

You are probably one of the most hip 31 year olds I know.

Don't be too hard yourself. 31 isn't old. I'm turning 30 in a few months and was petrified about it for a long time. But I feel ready now.

I don't know if I will ever get to that place you're talking about. I'm talking about financial stability, a home loan paid off, comfortable in my own skin etc.

Hang in there. I think you're super.


katiecrackernuts said...

31? You kiddin' me. By your photos I figured you were 26, 27, tops. :) Feel better?

Allison said...

Age Shmage. I am on the way to 41 and I am totes cool. In my own head. And heart. And they are the only places that count so phooey to the little poopsicle that dissed you today.

Allison (who is posting on an adbreak while she is watching a Molly Ringwald double on 7/2 while rocking her crochet granny squares)

Hang in there munchkin!

norbyah said...

i hate when people feel they have license to go ahead and crap all over your day. some people are just idiots that way. i had a coworker ask me if i'd been rubbing my eye and tell me it was all puffy and red (with a look on his face that said 'whoa she looks bad' the same day someone else asked me if i was pregnant (and i'm not). if it counts for anything, i think you look great and i love your posts. and, by the way, i'll be 37 this year....wish i was still 31

Siobhan C said...

Mate, I'm 34. I earworm totes magoats, rad, awesome, dunzo, rad, shut the gate, cool-town, awesome-land, razzle-dazzle, continental, rad to the power of sick, what evs (two words as expressed by annunciation) etc etc to everyone within earshot. That 12yo can reflect on this...people of our generation own these words and they can go and fucking well work on some of their own.

But what's at the core here is Revolutionary Road. I was a mess in the head for about a week after watching the film. I can only imagine the book has greater impact. It's depressing stuff. Just know that while that existence feels close sometimes, it's not actually your reality. Your head with recalibrate accordingly.

ejorpin said...

How on earth did you not slap the little twerp? I am most impressed by your self control, that shows a little maturity, right?

And I am totes always saying that things are ace or awesome or cool and it's not about 'clinging on to our youth'. It's just what we say. So bugger off.

Also, I have always felt that I was going to get 'found out', that one day people would realise I'm not really a grown up, that I'm just pretending (ssshh, don't tell anyone). And it kind of used to bother me, but now I think it's ACE and I'm having lots of fun doing stuff that I was too scaredy-cat to do when I was a bit younger and still desperately trying to be serious and grown up.

Ever since I was a kid I've always forgotten how old I am (quite convenient really), but the other day I figured out I was 35 and it freakin' rocks. So maybe just hang in there? Having said that, money troubles are never fun, no one needs that stress...chocolate though, we all need that.

jodie said...

my pleasure :)

toni said...

Lex you went in to make a cup of coffee and you came out like Kate and Leo. Which is not even you.
Do you know why people say mean things? Because you are awesome. They need to make themselves feel good. Spunky Trunks is making a cup of coff, why not wander in and ruin her damn day.
Well they a just big poo heads.
Don't judge your life by monetary success. You might be on empty in the car but your life is full and running over everywhere else.
You are young. You are funny. Smart. Hit all the branches on the beauty tree. You have a gorgeous family. You earn a living and keep a home. You robot dance.
You are ace. And I use those words because I love them and because they are me. And they are you.

Tania said...

Just brush it off. At 31 you ARE still young. Hey, I'm 31 too, and I'm kinda enjoying it. Plenty of time to still do those other things.
That said, where have manners gone with some of this younger generation?!

Kirsten said...

PMM - I think you should cut little holes in the bottom of that mean person's teabags. (Totes "mature") You'd be surprised how many people would be thinking the exact same things as you - hence your greatness because you actually talk about it! You're doing a super ace radnuts job. Chin up lovely. And forks to them.

Cath @ chunkychooky said...

But you are grown up- you took the smalls to get eye tests.

but being grown up is popping off to have a pap smear when you get the reminder. I reckon.

I hates 31 too- I do not like numbers that end in 1.

Diminishing Lucy said...

I feel old as I have never used cool worlds.

I think I was born perpetually middle aged, seriously. Popped out fretting over everything and everyone and tidying up constantly.

The little fucker was evidently very insecure...ignore.

PinkPatentMaryJanes said...

Pah, 12-year-olds - whadda they know? Last I heard there wasn't a statute of limitations on vocab (although, I did hear a 50-year-old using "Da bomb" and I kinda cringed...)

My speech is still peppered with words picked up from seminal, classic films. Films like Valleygirl and Heathers. Dude, I make no apologies for that.

She's just jealous because you're awesome.

donna said...

I'm 44 and I could have written this post. But not the bit about the young thing being mean. I work with two young things and they think I rock!

sophie said...

Sorry about that little turd burger! He/she must have been having an off day, why else would you say that to someone. This is my take on the debit card being declined (me too) driving around on empty (me too) no mortgage coz you can't afford a house (me too), it actually means that you are young coz if you were all grown up then you would have that sorted. You have plenty of time for financial stability (shmability), I don't think it's all that it's cracked up to be!

JoeyNomad said...

Oh you, you are fantastical! I am the same age, same problems, but not even with the two kids, but one on the way. I often drive the car on empty and wonder if an immature person like me can even be a mum! We can do it... you don't need to be a housewife with a SUV and hubbie's credit card to survive. I think it's great you're still a young rad person!

Little Pinwheel said...

and just think when you hit 33 all you will say is ROCK ON to everything. Everything is rock on. Everyone is a rockstar and life it about rockin' it.

You are HOT! Your words are awesome, all kinds of awesome, and RAD... geez that is so our generations word. No 12 year old can take that away from us, and try and call it theirs, or too cool for a 31 year old.

Enjoy your chocolate lovely lady, and your easter xx

Amy said...

you have been spoken to by a fuckwit.

abort all conversations with said fuckwit.

I'm 33 and I reckon it's the new 30. I too loved 30. What with the "dirty thirty's" and all.

Yes, add chocolate to your menu and don't worry - you're young, beautiful and virile - that person will look like a shrivelled up handbag with lots of rolls by the time he/she is 31.

Sarah said...

This feeling has been secretly going on for centuries: My Dad says he woke up on the morning of his 30th birthday and thought I have a wife, a house, 2 kids and I'm 30, I don't feel grown up, but I must be.

And I bet Florence Nightingale spent her whole time thinking I know I'm healing all these soldiers but holy crap I don't know what I'm doing.

Or Emily Pankhurst "sure this womens suffrage thing seems to be going okay, but some days all I want to do is stay home and play Lego."

Anonymous said...

When you're 60, you'll wish you were 31 again.

I'm 32. And no adult. Just ask my kids and my hubs.

A big what whatevs to this person. How do you like THEM apples, huh?


Loz and Dinny said...

Gee ... you could be describing my life ... I even looked in the car manual the other day to see how long you can drive for with the fuel light on ... i'm 38 this year and we are still rocking the student lifestyle thang ... i know you know how that feels ... have a vino and pop on some tori amos (
or other angsty, femo, leftie, community radio listening treats as my husband likes to call them xxx

Sarah said...

eee well I am 37 (oh let me check and count again) yup 37. STill have not grown up - need to mature I think. SIGH bugger the 12 year old seriously girl you know better!
Yea I know you dream these dreams and then slap you are there and the dream dont not follow but HEY HEY HEY OTHER new and fun and exciting things have happened!!! Did you dream a blog? Did you dream all these readers who think you are groovy to the core?

SO chin up lovey I think you are way awsome.