I want to tell you about all the good things that are happening. I want to tell you about all the good that will come. About what could be. About my dreams, my ideas, my thoughts.
But instead right now I am bogged down in negativity. I feel quashed. Awash in my own sea of misery and self pity. A sadness that seems never-ending right now.
Today I was called an idiot. Someone else told me they needed to wear high powered ear muffs because they sit next to me. And in general I just got patronised.
How do you get back up? When the negativity, the patronising, the just plain downright rude just keep pushing you down. How do you ever get back up?
When you're trying to make things good and right in your world. When you're struggling in your own little world, with whatever it is you're battling. For me it's this new arrangement of juggling our children with work. And feeling like I am missing out on their growing up. It is the guilt. It is the sadness.
Then couple that with the other. I am sinking.
This feels like the only place I can talk about this. Because maybe someone else knows this. Or is going to ride this wave. Where you feel unvalued and miserable and you want to see the light, but nope, right now, it's just a trickle of candle bleating down a dark tunnel.
Maybe tomorrow will be better because tomorrow I am with my smalls. But right now I am low.
Instead of a random picture by me, I give you Frenchman Romain Duris. He is the joy in a day, surely?
