Thursday, 23 August 2012

Nicole Kidman. And "That" V Magazine Cover

Dear Nicole,

Thanks ever so for sharing your bunions with the world. It's a little less scarier, when I can see your derriere. It's ever so cheeky of you. And all why, why why are you wearing Warwick Capper's wig? Or is it Rod Stewart's? Or is it one of Keith's spares? (Maybe circa early 90s?) Either way - - - Genius! Ironic and hilarious all at the same time. Let's keep it in the family. Let's say it's Keith's. After all, there's an economic downturn to consider, which is why there's also a small economy of clothing gracing your lithe body.

I do understand that Mario Testino talked you into this.

I do.

I'm not sure why. I get art. I love art. I am married to an artist, after all. But this? This is scraping in just by the skin of its teeth as art. In my language this says: "attention seeking". Katie Holmes stole the spotlight after leaving her crazy Science boffin, which coincidentally was your crazy Science-boffin, and now what are you left with? A thick belt of leather and a chain belt.

Does anyone know how to spell classy?

Nicole, I would really have rathered a return to the big crazy hair of BMX Bandits. I love that hair. You could have dug out some Coogee jumpers and gone pantless. Still pantless, but a little more demure. And retro-licious.

Once upon a time, at a big soiree, I got to meet you - I had to go find your jacket (Dolce e Gabbana). You gave me a kiss on the cheek and I was blown away by the sheer movie-star factor. You had it girl.

But this? This screeches - hey guys, look at my pert bot-bot. You've gone Stepford Wife fembot, to trashy look bot-rot.

I don't buy it.

Please burn these negatives, delete the files, and we'll keep it between ourselves. No one else needs to know you're waging war against covered up botties.

Yours, in a full brief, very comfortable, almost Cottontail,

see more here (or don't, if you don't want to, like, burn your retinas)


Michelle said...

Whatever floats your boat I guess, Nicole.

shine little light* said...

YIKES! The thing is she doesn't really look particularly comfortable or happy. I love me some briefs. *s*

Kelly HTandT said...

I agree, it is a little trashy - but because it's Australia's golden girl, I think it's ok... I think it's hot!

Mrs Woog said...

I wonder whatever happened to creativity?

Brenda @ Mira Narnie said...

Oh Nicole! what were you thinking???

Anonymous said...

Oh gosh. Who approved these pics?

Shontelle said...

Dude, put it away! I mean she does have a very nice bum, but really - do we need to see it? It's just not very dignified and I see her as a lovely, elegant lady.

Cath @ chunkychooky said...

i think this is horrible. She looks trashy and as a mother doesn't she want to teach her girls that she has style and grace and doesn't need to take her clothes off and look like a cheap hooker to promote her movie?

Victoria said...

I cringed when I saw this.

Posie Patchwork said...

Now i'm blaming you as i hadn't seen or heard of this, tee hee, well, i don't know what to think, it seems to go against all of her classic styling & softly softly approach with her figure. Surely she knows where to draw a line in the creative process. Um, i still don't get this at all, why did she do it?? Love Posie