Oscars 2013: Let's Get This Party Started:: Fire The Stylist

I'm at home sick today with some rank flu/cold thing. I've already worked my way through half a box of tissues, sweating my socks off, and feeling dizzy. And therefore, I'm in a heinous mood. So I thought we should get this out of my system with a few from my 'fire the stylist' files. 

Brandi Glanville - or maybe we should say Glandville, given that's what you're trying to draw our attention to. You would benefit from going a size up in this frock, and maybe asking your mum over with a thread and needle. Looks like you had a nasty accident with an attempted split - can only hope a shot from after Oscars is available, because I am pretty sure it's going to show nips. On the flipside, I do love your hair and make-up. Maybe I'll just focus on that and not your mammary glands.  

Nancy O'Dell - it's a good fit, but I'm not mad for it, to be completely frank. I think I heard Wheel of Fortune call. They want their Delvene Delaney hand back. I think that's your calling.

Olivia Munn - I think we're playing double jeopardy here with your assets - your frock looks like it's running the risk of slipping down as the night passes. Luckily you wore your bed sheet as your skirt. You can always wrap it around you for awkward occasions.

This will keep a lot of 5 year old girls happy. Sponsored by Mattel.