Monday, 14 April 2014

What Was I Thinking?

So I went to Bikram twice last week. And the second time I lay there pondering why I felt I needed to be there, in that sweatbox. 

I lay down for much of it too - contemplating other things such as a quote I'd read: "The way you handle your sweat is how you handle life."

Apparently I wipe it off. And then take a good lie down.

The second class was not only a punishment by heat and stretching. 

Some foul-bottomed soul was unleashing eggy farts upon my area. So imagine this - if you will, hot, sweaty, humid. And the stench of a million years of everyone's sweat marinading in the sisal.

And then some arsehole - and I mean that literally, is farting almost at regular intervals. 

Some fart-breath foul-bottomed yogi had taken it upon themselves to egg it up and eat curried egg sandwiches before class. 

Are you gagging yet? My goodness, I was. I got to the point I was going to yell out and tell whoever it was that they should go drop their friends off to the pool. I felt like I should suddenly have Tourette's and unleash some wordy beast on their sweat covered hiney. 

Then I contemplated how unBikram that would be of me. Of how I should be accepting of someone's rank egg bottom trumpets. About how I should be at one with methane.

But I couldn't. 

And I haven't been back because some asswipe stole my yoga libido.

Namaste, Farticus, namaste. 


Caroline Wright said...

I'm so sorry fart bum has ruined your practice...... I don't know how you lasted for the whole time...... I was gagging and then laughing so loudly my boys came to find out why. Let's just say you have made everyone's day here, love a good fart joke as long as you're not the victim. Glad you popped out to the movie, I think you deserved it!

Steph Bond-Hutkin said...


Kate said...

Ah yes...there is always one person who can really give you the wind up when really all you want to do is un-wind. I used to get really peeved at one girl who always planted herself behind me and was always moving around in-between postures - super distracting and VERY annoying. I was having a whinge to one of my teachers about it and she looked me and said " Kate...there will always be people who have the capacity to annoy you - both on and off the mat but that's because you allow them to. Ignore them and concentrate on you the way in which you deal with it."

I'm still working on it ;)

campsieuponcook said...

GOLD. blogging gold.

Diana said...

LOL. Someone egged me with their bottom last night too - not at Bikram, at 'foundation' yoga ie yoga for people who aren't very good at yoga. I identified the culprit too. I'm trying to feel sorry for her because maybe she had a baby and she hasn't quite regained control of her nether regions. It happens. Apparently.