My Own Private Hairdresser

Sometimes when life is frustrating - I cut my own hair.

With very poor results.

I have done this a few times, with, in fact, disastrous results.

I cut my hair off from below my shoulders to chin length, no actually cheek length, once. It was when a boyfriend-of-the-time cast me off in favour of a French girl. I don't know why I felt the urge, but I took the scissors to my hair, Jennifer Aniston style, and sliced it off. If you've ever cut your own hair you will be well familiar with that awesome noise of the scissors crunching through hair. I could almost cut my hair off now just to hear it. It's reassuring. It's life affirming. And I'm sure I really showed that boyfriend who was boss (actually he was overseas when he decided to split with me via email - so he never knew the vengeance with which I cut my hair).

Anyway. My hair was a disaster. QUELLE HORREUR!

So I booked a professional to cut my hair.

Let's call him 'Richard'. Richard came and cut my hair at my house. It was awesome. I liked having someone come to my house to cut my hair. Like I was a geriatric in stilettos.

'Richard' cut my hair, asked whether there was any method to my hair cutting (answer: heck no), styled it, blow dried it, and then we looked in the mirror together. Imagine my HORREUR when I saw that I looked like Princess Di. I'm not kidding peeps. I looked like Princess Di, or I looked like I lived in Double Bay, sans fake tan and bleach.

When one looks at oneself in the mirror post-haircut, one is expected to rave about one's new 'do.

Me?

I piped up with "It might look better when I wash it."

It was only in hindsight that I thought how offensive that statement was to a professional hair stylist. Yes. It will look better when I, the hacker, wash my own hair, and refuse to blow dry it because I do not blow dry my own hair. Someone else does it once every two months.

I'm not sure what prompted me to recall this epic tale of War and Peace proportions, but I am sure you are mighty relieved I did. So 'fess up. Have you ever cut your own hair?

More Answers

I am back to finish answering all the questions, let's see how I go? Can I do it? Gosh I hope so.

Michelle from The Hills are Alive asked:

Who would play you in the movie of your life and why?

Someone once told me I looked like Suzie Wilks. I spent the rest of the evening ignoring that person because a) Suzie wears ridiculously short denim cut offs; b) Suzie wears a purple shirt with a giant yellow logo on it and c) I don't have a c, but I just wanted to add c. It seemed to bulk things up. So certainly not Suzie Wilks.

Maybe... Julia Roberts? We have similar hair and she was my doppelganger on Facebook and really I like her head, so I will take Julia Roberts. Either her or Miss Piggy. Either would make me happy.

Michele asked a bonus question of:

How do you manage the transition from Mama to lover after an exhausting day/week/year with the littles, you know switching gears and having the energy for some "quality time" with hubs?

Date night. Date night. Date night. It really is SO important to have some time where it's just YOU and husband/partner/ or if you're single - by yourself or with some friends. There is NO way you can recharge your batteries and reconnect without some time away from the smalls. It makes you a better mum/lover/wife. Stealing some 'me minutes' is imperative for sanity.

I also go for a long-ish walk when Matt gets home from work. He puts the kids into the bath and gets them ready for bed, so by the time I get home I kiss them good night.

The old saying, happy mama, happy baby is SO true, and I think good things can only come from being a little selfish (in a good way) to nab some time for you.

And if you just can't seem to go for a walk or get out of the house - my other non-luxury luxury is to have a shower - where (wait this is where it gets crazy) - no one comes into the bathroom while I am in there. Crazy that I even have to say that, but to have an uninterrupted shower is bliss.

So taking care of yourself will allow you to feel like you have a 'self' to share with other people.

With a new babe in her arms, Amber from Nutrients of Life asked:

What is your favourite song?

Currently listening in high rotation: Florence + the Machine. My favourites are changing all the time. But she has an incredibly strong and yet feminine voice. I love that. At this moment. And she's got red hair. I love redheads.

The currently blogless CurlyGirlJo asked me:

What is your ideal job? What have you worked as in the past? What would you like to do in the future?

My ideal job? Er - nothing? Is that a valid answer? No, ok then. A job that goes from 10-2pm so I can pick up my smalls from pre-school... Not good enough. Ok my ideal job is writing! I would love to be writing either for magazines or my own book. That's what I would dig.

In the past I have worked (in order) as:

- dish pig

- McDonald's Crew trainer

- behind the counter at Video Ezy

- waitress

- and then I landed my first role working in public relations which is what I still do now, only freelance

In the future:

I'd like to think I have a firmer handle on my direction, and more confidence in my abilities. And be writing more.

After snowboarding over here Lizzie from Nugg UK asked me:

Can she send me some bread tags. That aren't bread tags. They're flower tags. But they're like bread tags. But they're not. Oh I could go on.

But the answer is: YES PLEASE!

And finally Bianca from By Way of the Moon asked:

Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?

I would say it was the Marcels' version of Blue Moon - they sing 'bomp bomp ba bomp, ba bomp ba bomp bomp' and that, my friend, influenced the co-writers of the song (Barry Mann and Gerry Griffin) to include these nonsense lyrics. The song co-incidentally is written about how Barry's girlfriend fell in love with him after listening to several songs of the Doo-Wop genre.

And so it is, this here is the conclusion of 'Ask PottyMouthMama'. For this week. Stay tuned for another opportunity to ask me anything.

In Answer To Your Questions

So many questions, so little time. I had better get cracking on my answers, I'll try and answer them in chronological order so let's get straight to it.

Wendy at The Textured Leaf asked:

What made you come up with the name PottyMouthMama?

In Latin, PottyMouthMama means 'incredibly wise and incredibly foxy lady'. I speak Latin in day to day conversations, so I wanted to bring a bit of the real me to my blog.

Alternatively...

The name PottyMouthMama was conceived after spending long days potty training my son. It seemed like that stretch was going to last FOREVER (it doesn't). I felt like I spent my whole life talking about potty training, peeing, pooping, nappies, no nappies, undies, knickers, pants, pull-ups, bottoms, wipes, high-fives, way to go, good job, you did it, toilet seats, toilet paper. You get my drift? All that came out of my mouth and all that I felt I could conceivably discuss was potty training. And star charts. And hi-fives. And loads and loads of enthusiastic, supportive potty-loving-love!

People might click over expecting me to be cussing on the microphone, but I've tried to delete swearing. I hate when I hear my smalls echoing my swear words. So instead I say random, stupid things instead of cussing. It's far more silly and amusing. And my children won't be the potty-mouthed ones in the playground.

PottyMouthMama was all about potty training. It really was.

Katie from May The Cloth Be With You asked:

What item is centre on the third shelf from the top of your linen cupboard?

Another good question given we don't actually have a linen cupboard per se. We use a bookshelf, and everything tumbles out and looks generally messy unless I fold, refold, fold again constantly. And I am not doing that!

A tea tree bassinet mattress. Because where else would I put that? There of course!

Mel from From Little Things... asked:

For travel tips for travelling with smalls - particularly long haul

I am no expert on travelling with smalls. However, I have driven a few long-ish trips by myself with the two smalls. I always take a designated box/bag of activities to keep them occupied. Here are some of my ideas:

• Wikki Stix: You can get these at good toy stores - they bend and bond with one another and you can make all sorts of creatures and people. I tried these with the Doctor when he was 2. He was too young. But if you have an older child these are ace, and for the younger kids, you wind up making the things (which is fine and still fun). They pack flat and are lightweight too.


• Pasting: Before your trip you could go through some magazines, cut out lots and lots of random pictures (heads, bodies, animals, faces, lips etc) put them in a zip lock bag with a glue stick, some sticky tape and a scrap book. Obviously you can use smaller pieces for older children and larger pictures for littlies. You can extend this idea with some new textas. My current favourites are Giotto. They are SO lovely to draw and write with.


• Food: Who doesn't love chowing down on a trip? Pack lots of different snack-a-roos so that you're not dependent on the air stewards. I like going to the health food shop. We buy these things called 'Peaz' - or we call them Pea Wheels. They are so yummy (and no doubt naughty) but the little ones love them. Try to avoid too much dried fruit because it is so high in sugar and you know the drill, those littlies will not be pleased having to be constrained, and you will get cranky and stressed trying to control them!


• Presents: I got this idea from.. somewhere. Wrap a small present up for each hour of the trip (so to LA that's around 14 hours = 14 small gifts). Every hour that goes by, your child gets to open a present. Ideas: tattoos, those small colouring books (that you can use a coin to rub the picture), a lolly, a small wind up toy etc.


• Books: We have some great magnetic books which are great to travel with. Reading is also a good way to get a child settled. You know this already of course.


• Playdough: Pack a small container with playdough and some tools. (Check with airline prior to make sure you're not unnecessarily frisked, unless of course, that's your thing.)


• Card games: Snap is good for littlies, easy to pack and cute pics are a drawcard (get it get it?!). Dominoes is fun too.


• Music: If you're taking an iPod or MP3 player, load some of your kids favourite music. They love listening to music with the headphones and it can help them calm down and be still!


• Stickers: I go to the $2 shop and load up on cheap stickers. Sparkly stickers. Puffy stickers. These can also be wrapped up as part of the presents idea. And go well with the scrapbook idea too.


• Comfort toys: Don't forget to pack their favourite blankie or bear or dolly or whatever it is that your littlies love. A few favourite toy cars, or a dolly that can take clothes off or you can plait the hair..?


• A chill pill: Everyone's been a child before. If anyone's shooting you filthies, shrug your shoulders and don't sweat it. I am SURE they had a tanty at one point in their lives. You're never going to see them again anyway, so don't worry about what they think! Travel safe. xxx

Cindy from Bug and Pop asked:

What's your proudest mama moment with each of your cuties?

Oh it's a hard one, but right this minute here are my highlights:

The Doctor telling me I am his favourite because I am 'the softest'. I am pleased to know that my moisturising has paid off.

I really love seeing the Doctor learning new things and running with it - for instance he is very interested in Aboriginal culture at the moment, so we've been borrowing books from the library and talking lots. Though I am a little concerned that for some unknown reason he thinks the didgeridoo is called a 'hoogey'. Not sure where he got that from.

Tiny - well she really makes me all melty when she says proudly: 'I did it Mum!' So cute. I also love kissing her good night, she flips over and says 'Nigh nigh, wuv you Maaaaaaaaaaaaam.'

Every day there is something new though, they are my proudest creations.

Kate from Foxs Lane wanted to know:

We are desperate to find a contractor to drill plow the paddock across the road with oats. Do you know anyone?

Kate has thrown me a curly one. Kate is going to have to wait 'til I get back to her with someone to sow her wild oats.

Vic from Punky & Me asked me:

Who is the woman in the picture & what is she thinking about?

I am shocked Vic doesn't recognise the woman in the picture. It's me! Starring as my alter ego, Mitzi Kaboo (with a big Getty Images logo tattooed on my head). I am thinking about solving world crises, such as who stole the cookie from the cookie jar, what happens when my best friend's bus driver's mother's nail artist's son's sister's doesn't recognise me in the supermarket, and other tough questions such as - what shall I cook for dinner today?

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I will endeavour to answer the rest of my questions later Kelly Slater. x

Ask PottyMouthMama

Hello Poppets and welcome back to another exciting episode of Ask PottyMouthMama. What's that? You've never seen this segment? Well you're damn straight you haven't. Because it's a new one. And we're going to start it with a big puff of smoke and perhaps some fireworks.

So punters, this is where you step in. You ask me a question, and I do my darndest to answer it. You can ask me anything (within reason) and it doesn't have to be about me (because that would be just boring). It can be about anything, anything at all, think of something you want to know or wonder about and then ask me. Fire away. Your question is my desire. I will exhaust my connections to find the answer for you. I really will. So don't be shy, ask me something. I dare you.