Trolls. Molls. More On What We Think

So we're talking about trolls. Should we put up our dukes? Or wave the white flag? 

To continue on our merry way, I've got two more thoughtful posts from two insanely hilarious and sage women. 

Rachael from Mogantosh:

My take is that I have a lot of respect for creators – those who spend time making something for others to enjoy. It’s a lot easier to surf and spectate than it is to make.  If something you see or read is not your thing, move on, sister. Work out your issues elsewhere! There’s a corner of the Internets for you too. 

In general I have been lucky to avoid major bitchiness. I’m not Internet-Famous enough. But when a magazine column of mine was printed online, I discovered a stream of haters. At first I was disconcerted, but soon I realised that the angry crowd featured the kind of humourless humans I try my best to avoid, and soon I found it funny. Also, it felt very therapeutic to write a post called ‘The Best Of The Angry Shriekers That Hate Me.’

I copied out their comments, one by one, and replied to them. I corrected some punctuation, I suggested some therapy, and I mused about whether or not ‘Rodney’ was wearing lacy women’s knickers under his safari suit. One commenter was livid that I had saddled my children with the names ‘Peanut’ and ‘T-Bone’ and I was pleased to introduce her to the ‘pseudonym’.

It was hugely amusing to me. Less funny was another incident when an anonymous person said that my daughter looked like Madeleine McCann. That made my blood run cold.

In life, both virtual and online, I  value kindness. It's a shame not everybody does. 

Jo Thornely of Jo Blogs (definitely one of the funniest women on the interwebz, right behind me *cough* of course): 

How do you deal with trolls? (Not the ones under the bridge, leave them to the billygoats)

Although I don't get many trolls (I think sincerity attracts trolls and I am nothing if not insincere and flippant), but I ignore in 90 percent of cases. In the other 10 per cent, where temptation to bite back is too strong, it's usually because I have a red-hot zinger that I have to let out, lest it fester hotly in my breast without its deserved actualisation. Or I just feel like being a bitch. I then forget that that's what the trolls are waiting for, so when they use my response as a reason to spray further spittle all over my corner of the internet, I ignore again. And put a little tick on my tally sheet marked 'Failed Choice Burns'.

Why do you think people troll?

Trolling is for people who want their actions to have a visible effect without having to expend any effort, or do anything clever or creative. It's a way for people with limited influence or power in their real lives to exert a tiny, insignificant bit of power in their online lives. That's why not responding to them is, whilst sometimes difficult, also delicious, because it deprives them of the only thing of value to them - a reaction. Even retweeting them is like giving them a chocolate-coated unicorn kitten - it exposes them to a wider audience and probably gives them a raging boner. Probably makes a nice change for them from tentacle porn or having their mother make them a sandwich. I don't even block them any more, because that tells trolls that I've noticed that they exist, and I'd rather not.

Collectively, what can we do about trolls?

There will always be trolls, so we can't do much to stop them, but we can have a little giggle at them and their primary-school levels of low-effort id-satisfaction. Reacting strongly to them just fans their acne-riddled, musty-crotch smelling fire, so at most rolling our eyes at them, but at best ignoring the ever-loving bejeezus out of them is best.

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I don't know about you, dear reader, but I'd love to have these two birds in my corner if there should be some online shenanigans.

Big thanks to those who have contributed to this series so far, I've got more up my sleeve, so giddy up.

Trolls & Molls. Are They One and the Same?

Over the weekend I instagrammed one of my husband's paintings. He's working on this beautiful show at the moment, and I was excited to share one of the works. 

My caption neatly stated: Jonathan Livingston Seagull I presume. Cutting an arc into the distance, ink on paper. 

It wasn't long before someone I'd never come across on IG commented along the lines of:

I saw this caption and it made me think of you @somebody(obviouslynottherealhandle). Yawn!

A little gobsmacked, I left it there. 

I left it there thinking that that person would come back and apologise, or at least try and justify what that comment actually meant. Maybe I misinterpreted it?! I actually waited for a couple of hours and then one of my friends stood in and questioned what was so 'yawn'.

I still waited a little, then a few more friends mentioned it. And then the person who was being shouted out to in the first comment came over and confirmed that they were indeed two complete and utter, totally and absolute asshats. She replied: @thefirstasshat double yawn!

I didn't get punk'd. I got trolled. 

It made me think. Who are these dorks that go around spreading mean vibes? Who does that shiz? And why? And what did I ever do? And what? Huh? Wha? 

I hate being bullied. So I asked a few of my friends for their take on online trolls/molls. Over this week I'll share the insightful and awesome responses that arrived in my inbox. I was going to do one post - but they're all too good to edit down. 

Chantelle from Fat Mum Slim

Ah, trolls... those who hide so bravely behind their screens leaving nastiness for fun. What a life that must be. Joy {not!}. I get trolled all the time. It's a daily thing for me, and I've had to just get tough skin to not let it get me down, but unfortunately it still does. There are days when I just want to escape the online world and leave it all behind, and admit defeat. It's exhausting.

But then I have to think about all the good stuff that I get from having an online presence. The friendships, the enjoyment, the community... I wouldn't want to be without it. I've been called names, I constantly have people critiquing my photos, my life, things I say/do/eat/breathe. Most of the time I let the comments stay, but others I quickly delete {especially if I'm not feeling armed for a battle}.

Why do people troll? Because they don't have anything good in their lives, surely? I can't think of any other reason.

What can we do about it collectively? Not react. They want us to get up in arms. The currency is human attention, and if we give it to them... they win. We have to remain not affected. We have to let them be, sadly. Otherwise we're going to spending precious time every day fighting battles not worth fighting.

And we have to remember, how sad it must be to be them.

Jayde from Little Paper Lane

Trolls come in so many forms on the inter webs and I really think each case has to be dealt with individually!

I am hopeless at blogging, I don't spend enough time on my blog to get stalked or trolled (touch wood) so I haven't had to deal with anyone there yet, but there has be a few times on Facebook where I've felt attacked, and I am WAY too sensitive to deal with them as I usually take it personally. 

But in the few times it's happened, I have always had a few other internet and real life friends backing me up. I think when people attack you online, you feel very alone to begin with, especially when others start to gang up on you.  I usually try and find out 'why' the person feels like they need to attack me, just in case it was a misunderstanding, which has happened a lot because you can't hear tone or sarcasm or jokes through typing. 

If they keep coming back at me, if its on another page that I am not an admin on, I try very hard to not come back and read because they are usually just bored and trying to get a rise. But if it's on my own pages, and the person is being unreasonable and nasty, I will remove their comments and block them from the page, or the entire conversation if it's all too lethal and horrible. 

I have come across many horrible people on Instagram (not on my own page so much) and I try and deal with them gently at first, and usually with humour…there is nothing worse for a troll than a person being funny and lovely to them, and if they don't stop, again I ignore and don't go back to the conversation thread. 

For the most part if someone is horrible for no reason on your own photo on Instagram, majority of your followers who actually like you will jump in and ask the troll why they are being this way. It does add fuel but it can also stop the troll in their tracks…most of the time the person has a private account so they can "hide" but all we can do is try and make sure their words are not hurting ourself or others too much. You just have to judge each situation as it comes.

If anyone was to say anything nasty about my children or family, I'd instantly delete and block them. If by chance they had some contact information about themselves on their own page I would contact them personally via email and confront them about what they had said and why they felt they needed to say it. I feel like trolls are cowards are bored though and obviously not nice people, so we must try not to give them too much of our energy. its just not worth it.

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BIG thanks to my lady friends who have shared their thoughts on the subject of trolls. Stay tuned, I've got more up my sleeve to share on this subject. 

Have you been trolled? How do you deal with trolls? 

image via Pinterest

Oh! I'm Sorry! Did You Forget Your Manners?

So there's this thing that's kind of a big deal to me and until today, I thought I was alone in this thinking. 

Thank goodness I talked about it because I would still be thinking this. 

It's about manners. On social media. And specifically - Instagram.

Here's the scenario - and let's thing about this big picture, I post for a brand, as well as personally for myself. 

So here it is. I post a picture, some people like it, some people don't, some people like it, some people want to engage with it, and that's all cool. Like it, love it, hate it. Great.

You and me? We can have opinions. And that is great and what makes the world colourful and awesome. 

But what I can't stand are people calling people over to photos (@joebloggs @therestoftheworld @youmeandeveryoneiknow ) and starting a conversation by themselves. 

It would be like coming over to my house - and inviting a bunch of randoms - then ignoring me and chatting amongst yourselves. 

Um. Hello?! 

Awkward. 

Or worse, when people come over and talk to their friends and say "Hey - I love this idea, let's copy it for my mud-wrestling party". 

Er. I saw that. I know what you did last summer, and I know what you're doing this summer - because HEY you discussed it all on my Instagram feed. 

Would you do this if I were sitting opposite me? Gosh. I hope not! I doubt it. 

Don't do it on social media! Don't do it on my Instagram feed. I can see you! I can read what you're writing. Don't forget that on the flipside is a real life, living, breathing person. 

Or it would be like sitting next to me and critiquing me - and then not even acknowledging me. But would you do that in the real world?

Unfortunately I think people forget that there are other humans on the other end of the screen - and that social media is about being social.

My tip? (just in case you even wanted my tip!) - if you love something and want to share it with other friends, leave a comment, and then put your friends in brackets - or ping them ie ping @heyryangoslingyoureprettyflyforawhiteguy so that they have your attention and can come and visit - but you're still acknowleding the poster. 

It's a small thing, I know, but it makes a big difference.

Manners do matter. 

Of Death and Blogging

The big news here is that my computer has died. It's died party people. Well for now at least.

So there's your reason why I've been blogging sporadically.

I have to divert Matt's attention - point and say: 'look, look over there' - and while he's distracted trying to determine what I am pointing at, I grab his computer, hack into his mainframe, fire off a few tweets, read my emails, and then quickly give him back his computer.

It's a sad and sorry state of affairs.

What's a gal to do but go to bed early and re-read The Great Gatsby, and get some beauty sleep?

You can find me on Instagram though (@pottymouthmama). Until I figure out a solution to my dead computer problemo.

image via here. Someone really, really loved their computer.

InstaBotox

I've been having a blast on Instagram, whereby I mess with the filters (not fillers) and can produce almost blemish-free, wrinkle-free skin. It's better than Botox. No needles. No toxins. No muscle paralysis. 


Speaking of which...What do you think of Botox? 


I've not had it. Not going to either. 

I like to think of ageing gracefully - of embracing the wrinkles and lines that are medals of life (and I often think - if I was a caveman, I wouldn't even be alive now - high five frown lines!). 


I had some photos taken last week - where my brow is furrowed - and well, it's probably ripe for sowing some plants in there. It's probably not perty, but it's part of me. 


I think overuse of Botox winds up looking a bit.. Odd. A bit... Freaky. It's a slippery slope, and how do you ever get off the merry-go-round of your three monthly Botox top ups? I genuinely want to know. 


A tell-tale sign, I believe, is those cray cray kick up eyebrows - that's a giveaway. 


So go to town friends, if you're pro-Botox, educate me on the joys. If you're sitting on the fence, perhaps I'll come join you. And if you're not keen on the needle in the face, talk to me too. 

I Don't Know About You...

But I feel KO'ed this afternoon. We had dancing first thing this morning, (well Tiny did, not me) after dropping Matt to work, then we seemed to be in the car for the four hours following. Not much chop.

The smalls are kicking back watching a movie, while I've been pottering about in the garden, and feeling a bit weak and tired - I'm yearning for a cat nap.


Can anyone identify that pesky blue flower in the top picture? It seems to be a weed that's impregnated my front garden with itself, and is now rife with this dirty blue flower thing. Anyone? 


Meanwhile, back on other matters, I've finally joined Instagram. You can find me under PottyMouthMama. Quelle surprise! 


Finally, here's a song to send you on your way. You dig?