I've made an executive decision today. Friends, you will like it. Trust me (because this is standard dialogue for a politician). I will kiss babies. Lots of babies. I will even give them raspberries on their milk-filled little tummies. And *smile* for the camera.
I've decided to go into politics. I'm going to run for election.
My policies I hear you ask?
Steadfast. Rock-solid. Watertight.
I have one most excellent and truly ace policy.
All mums should be issued with a trench coat, or at the very least a cool raincoat.
It's pouring here AGAIN - and I hate running about with two smalls when it's raining. I have to strap two littlies into the car and stand out in the rain while doing so.
When I gave birth, instead of a Bounty Bag I should have been handed a Burberry trench. I'd look stylish and stay dry. I'd settle for Aquascutum too. Or Stella McCartney.
We'll be like the Australian Olympic team. You get to choose a standard issue item that's classically styled - except we'll be cool, we won't be wearing Green & Gold, and we won't be throwing big sticks or jumping over high sticks. Or alternatively we could make our own Mama Olympics - the 100m dash in stilettos (or ugg boots). I am open to suggestions.
In fact, before writhing around with contractions, you should be given a small card - you nominate your trench.
You like my policy? Easy. You vote me in. PottyMouthMama for PM.
Are you going to vote for the coat?
(Anyone who does not vote for the coat will be issued with one of these. Tough choices ladiez!)