Tuesday, 28 September 2010

Is Brazil Better Than The Bush?

I once had a Brazillian wax. It wasn't a high point in my life. In fact I remember lying there, a captive of the beautician, in a very unflattering position. I clearly remember wanting to punch her in the head and run away half waxed. But I stuck it out. Stuck being the operative word. Through her horror stories, her causing me pain, her telling me all about previous clients and their dedication to the Brazillian, I was stranded. Marooned at the hands of a waxer. I lay there and wondered why the heck I had decided that I needed to try this. And immediately I knew I'd never be back - either to her - or to Brazil. I didn't need to stamp my passport. I was happy to stay in the bush.

And then I went through the perfectly maintained landing strip phase. I'd routinely be waxed and maintain, maintain, maintain.

There's no way in the world I'd shave, employ electrolysis, use depilatories or any other hair removal scheme. Waxing it is for me.

But how to decide what's up in the land of bespoke bikini lines? Bikini line trends wax and wane just like fashion - it changes as does our skirt length.

As we have celebrities - and I use the term loosely, such as Britney Spears, Paris Hilton etc baring all to the world, so do the hordes follow. But not me. I stand defiant. I am not going back to the Brazillian. Not ever. It's Wrongtown. Post code unknown. I don't care who is going to Brazil, but I am not. Brazil is good for Havaianas and soccer. But not for bikini lines.

I read a great piece by SMH's Jacqueline Lunn recently about her good friend of many, many years, declaring that unless a woman had a Brazillian, he wasn't interested. She was outraged. So was I. Who the heck does this guy think he is dictating how a lady garden should be maintained? Does he subject himself to the Boyzillian? (Gosh I hope not, that's all sorts of wrong).

But that's not what I'm here to talk about today. Nope. What I want to talk about is whether the bush is better than Brazil. In my belief, yes. Yes it is. I'm not talking a forest. An unruly forest. I'm talking a bush. Not overtly cultivated, but a modicum of trimming required.

Kate Moss is allegedly a fan of the bush. In fact maybe we could rename her Kate Bush.

There's a whole market of lady trimmers out there. A growing market of hairy horticultural tools. What of you? Sitting there, reading this. What are your thoughts? Brazil or the Bush. Cast your vote and be heard.



Check out Katy Perry's response to the Sesame Street hoo-har on SNL here.

34 comments:

Georgie Love said...

But what about vajazzling? What's your thoughts on that? ENQUIRING MINDS MUST KNOW. ;-)

dear olive said...

Vote 1 Bush.

Jgee said...

Bush is by far the best. It is natural, sexy and so much more rustic! Of course, like any other outdoor space, bush needs some maintenance- some trimming and edging here and there. My husband is so much more pro bush than Brazil, thank god.

LionessLady said...

I'm voting for Bush, trimmed nicely of course. Bushy Barbie does not live here!

dorothybills..... said...

What a crack up, I'm laughing my head off! Tackling the 'real' issues, love it!
Bush baby, a nice trimed in control one for me! hahaha, still laughing.....

Miss E said...

I'm with the rest, Bush is best. A nice, trim and tidy bush of course, but a bush none the less.

ange_moore said...

I can't get past the photo you've included in this post - hilarious!

And I'm voting bush too (for the bikini line, not George W)!

bec said...

bush bush bush all the way!
viva la bush!

Cath @ chunkychooky said...

Pfffft. Bush for shizzle.

Melbourne Vintage said...

I don't have a green thumb so I am staying well clear of waxing bushes. Maybe one day when I'm a bit drunk I'll write something funny on it with depilatory cream, or draw an Ampersand maybe?

Bianca said...

Totally bush, infact i'd love to have more - i am very fair and very sparse. It kind of looks like a Thai fisherman down there. I love the look of French nudes in all their thick locked glory. I'm lucky to have the shadow of a shadow unless you're looking with a very fine toothed comb. I think it gorgeous and feminine and sexy and all things woman.

Its beaver season all year round at my place ;)

xB

jodi said...

trimmed and cared for bush for sure. That disturbing link is outrageously sad.

Mon Alisa Design said...

I learnt to embrace the bush after an unfortunate waxing episode just before having Amelia that left my v.j.j badly bruised with a combover (I was told by too many new mums to ensure I was "tidy" before my labour) NEVER AGAIN!!
And to make matters worse...they took clippers to it anyway. All that turmoil for nadda!
So I vote that Bush is best :)

p.s Sorry if this is TMI!

karina said...

Whilst personally I am stamped for Brazil, I told my husband I was "letting it grow"... too much maintenance required!! plus I swear its not as sensitive ( sorry TMI??) as ala naturale.... VIVa LA BUSH!

Rach said...

I think bush. It needs the strimmer on to it...

teddybearswednesday said...

I'm so glad you raised this issue, talking about real things as usual. Im all for a well groomed tidy bush. After all we are women not little girls and I find the brazillian a little creepy.
And I'm a fellow waxer myself - just had it done last week in fact. xo

Kristi said...

i am as smooth as a babies butt...for the man of coarse. i perfer a little bush.

ps. i have just started reading your blog. your a funny funny girl.

ashley said...

I have always been a little curious on this topic as to ladies' preference, of course, I would never ask. I'm really surprised at the amount of people that vote 'bush'! Really surprised.

Mama Mogantosh said...

Once again with the big issues Pmm. Bless you. Me, I fight for a womans right to bush. I find men who want a shaven haven frightening, baffling and very unsexy. Lucky for me I married a dirty hippie. But I am impressed that so many PMM lovers trim and maintain. Good for you...me, I let the forest roam where it will.

ashley said...

I have always been a little curious on this topic as to ladies' preference, of course, I would never ask. I'm really surprised at the amount of people that vote 'bush'! Really surprised.

pigsandbishops said...

Unruly, no trimming, no nothing! I've been proudly cultivating my armpit hair too (untouched since 1994). I'd rather look like an adult than a prepubescent kid.

Mira Narnie said...

Ok wow what a topic! Ok so I'm a fan and have visted both Brazil and adorned a neat bush - I believe it's nice to mix it up and change the garden around a bit - Oh and you have to have a good beautician - mine is GREAT! I'm glad your tackling the big issues!!!

Anonymous said...

Short back & sides is the go.
Neat & tidy for me! Makes me feel feminine & womanly (never had any complaints either!)

sophie said...

Funny, funny, funny! I love the picture BTW it's fantastic! Well I am very natural, mainly because I am dang lazy I trim when I absolutely have to (you know, going to the beach, have a pap smear etc). I have issues with women not meant to look like women, public hair comes with growing up and I want my girls to feel really good with their bodies and embrace the changes. Having 3 daughters is a big responsibility, no bad mouthing our bodies, no criticising aging or any of that just positive all the way (even if in my head it's a different monologue!!). Thanks for tacking the big issues!

EmmaK said...

I have never waxed my bush and although I am not modest the idea of lying with my legs at ten to two while some lady pours hot wax on my ladyparts makes me want to scream. I use ye olde razor and shaving cream hey it works for me!

DANA said...

BUSH!

Corrie said...

oh you make me laugh........out loud! I have to say I've never been to a beautician for waxing down there whereas my mum loves a good brazilian on a regular basis- she's 61! go mum!

thankfully right now I can't see down there because of the huge bump going on and when I get to the hospital they attack it with clippers before my c/s but when I don't have a bump I tend to it myself because I'm too chicken of the pain of waxing!

Corrie:)

mama bear said...

Bush. Neatly trimmed if necessary. Of course unless you are pregnant, then keep the scissors away from what you cannot see.

I did the Brazilian thing once. Weird. Just too weird.

SEW RED HOT said...

Great topic - I have to weigh in and will go with the majority. Bush. But only with a touch of topiary!
lore
x

Tonya said...

I'm a fan of Brazil yes it does require going every 6 weeks (for me at least) however I guess I've been on both sides bush, landing strip and then I found brazil and haven't looked back. I took my daughter at the time she was 8 weeks old to the beauticians only because the babysitter fell through at the last minute. Half way into the waxing Claire became hungry unable to settle her I had to breastfeed while the remainder of the waxing took place. I was lucky enough to have an older beautician who has grown up children who I've been going to for over 5yrs.

Katyha said...

Like you I also had to try the Brazilian at least once just to see what all the fuss was about. After I walked out of that salon I felt like Mushmouth from Fat Albert! haha. I like the Brazil if only it wasn't so expensive!

Shelley Trbuhovich said...

i have a feeling that i might be one of the only women on the face of the earth that has never - read never! - subjected myself to waxing. full stop. the thought of it makes my eyes water....and i am no chicken when it comes to pain. i choose to maintain my own lady garden, once it was a lovely hedge, now it is trim and terrific. i was reading somewhere that the men/women of today are likely to never know what it is to be with a woman who doesn't look like a pre-pubescent tween...maybe a slight exaggeration, but a scary thought nevertheless. bush is best in the house of femme de m. x

Loz and Dinny said...

Bush ... I like to employ a gardener to do my waxing. I did try a do-it-yourself job... once. Let us just say it ended very badly ... I had to call Duncan to come home early from work for emergency assistance, as I had waxed my legs together ... it's a long story... better told with actions and a full glass of bubbles

Anonymous said...

I'm a Brazil kind of girl. I got tired of the horrid razor stubble, irritation and razor burns so I threw out my razor 4 years ago! I happily wax the landscaping (and the back yard) every 4-5 weeks from a seriously trained & ultra discrete professional.
Bush is out, bare is in.... for me. :)