Friday, 30 December 2011

A Wee Tiny Post:: A Real Piss-take

I am not proud to tell you that twice in two weeks I have inadvertently rubbed Tiny's urine on my face.

Tiny has a wee fascination with the toilet. Of course I madly deter it, and implore that the toilet is not to be toyed with. But as with most things, Tiny ignores me.

When Tiny was particularly peeved (pun not intended) for some reason or another, she went and pee'd all over the bathroom floor. I walked in a bit later and was greeted with the pungent whiff of an old man's urinal. Oh boy. I cracked open the disinfectant and a hot mop and went to work. Moments later, I could STILL smell that unmistakeable stench. Like super strong. And I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. So I did what any normal person would do, jumped into the shower. Maybe the urine stench had been transferred to my skin?!

I got out of the shower, grabbed a towel, dried my face and OH MY GOODNESS - WEE! That Tiny had wee'd on the towel, and then it was hung up, unbeknownst I went and wiped it all over me. I quickly got back into the shower, piping hotwater and scrubbed my face like it was nobody's business.


Today we were getting ready to go to Puss In Boots, and Tiny was again messing about in the bathroom. Last night she was mincing toilet paper in the toilet, up to her elbows in toilet water (filth). Nevertheless, she was in there, I went to check on her, she had washed her hands, her hair was a little wet, but off we went to the movies.

During Puss In Boots Tiny felt a bit scared, climbed onto my lap and I was savouring her warm little body nestled into me. I was mkaing the most of her wanting to be close to me, because that Tiny, she is so unpredictable. I was rubbing my face into her usually sweet smelling hair, and whoa. That instantly recogniseable whiff of wee. Oh man. I sat there thinking about the fact that her hair was wet, that there was water all over the bathroom floor, and foolishly I had thought she had washed her hair in the basin. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

That girl had styled her hair with the acrid and germy toilet water. Can you imagine sitting in a darkened cinema thinking about what has now been transferred onto your face, and in tune with the uber stank of wee in your baby's hair?

Friends. It's not pretty.
It's filth.

I've once again implored that the toilet is not a play-thing, a wash-thing, or any other thing other than for wees and poos. No.

We've sanitised Tiny with a L'Occitane Lavender Bath and blitzed her hair.

I am just hoping that wee contains some kind of anti-ageing properties despite its pungent whiff. I can not wait to get into a steaming hot shower and wash that wee right outta my pores.


Sarah said...

oh man...

ClaireyHewitt said...

I wouldn't mind one of those lavender baths right now, myself. But I don't want the wee wee in my hair first.

Coal Valley View said...

Honestly, kids are just plain gross. I was informed by one of my older kids that a younger one had brushed their teeth with the toothbrush that had fallen into the toilet. When I asked why she didn't stop him she said it was ok because he wiped it on the towel, my towel and this had happened a few days earlier. Just gross!

beebeeoko said...

Oh boy. I'm a bit scared now for when my toddler grows up! Were we that yuck when we were kids?? I can't remember being that yuck.

BOB & MABEL said...

Kids are so gross. I watched my daughter pee in a bucket in the backyard and proceed to add leaves etc to make some sort of concoction!!!! It was at this stage that I intervened.


oh dear i was laughing so much reading this i may have done a little wee myself!!! fab storytelling PMM xxx

spectacularfairywren said...

Weely Weely funny.
I watched mine wee on his crawling baby brother last week... So ugh.

mostly perplexed mama said...

Thankyou for giving me a massive laugh out loud even made me forget I have had my cranky pants on for the last few days (hmmmm that kind of sounds bad to be laughing at you but damn it is such a cracker of a story!!!!!)