A Wee Tiny Post:: A Real Piss-take

I am not proud to tell you that twice in two weeks I have inadvertently rubbed Tiny's urine on my face.

Tiny has a wee fascination with the toilet. Of course I madly deter it, and implore that the toilet is not to be toyed with. But as with most things, Tiny ignores me.

When Tiny was particularly peeved (pun not intended) for some reason or another, she went and pee'd all over the bathroom floor. I walked in a bit later and was greeted with the pungent whiff of an old man's urinal. Oh boy. I cracked open the disinfectant and a hot mop and went to work. Moments later, I could STILL smell that unmistakeable stench. Like super strong. And I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. So I did what any normal person would do, jumped into the shower. Maybe the urine stench had been transferred to my skin?!

I got out of the shower, grabbed a towel, dried my face and OH MY GOODNESS - WEE! That Tiny had wee'd on the towel, and then it was hung up, unbeknownst I went and wiped it all over me. I quickly got back into the shower, piping hotwater and scrubbed my face like it was nobody's business.

Filth.

Today we were getting ready to go to Puss In Boots, and Tiny was again messing about in the bathroom. Last night she was mincing toilet paper in the toilet, up to her elbows in toilet water (filth). Nevertheless, she was in there, I went to check on her, she had washed her hands, her hair was a little wet, but off we went to the movies.

During Puss In Boots Tiny felt a bit scared, climbed onto my lap and I was savouring her warm little body nestled into me. I was mkaing the most of her wanting to be close to me, because that Tiny, she is so unpredictable. I was rubbing my face into her usually sweet smelling hair, and whoa. That instantly recogniseable whiff of wee. Oh man. I sat there thinking about the fact that her hair was wet, that there was water all over the bathroom floor, and foolishly I had thought she had washed her hair in the basin. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

That girl had styled her hair with the acrid and germy toilet water. Can you imagine sitting in a darkened cinema thinking about what has now been transferred onto your face, and in tune with the uber stank of wee in your baby's hair?

Friends. It's not pretty.
It's filth.

I've once again implored that the toilet is not a play-thing, a wash-thing, or any other thing other than for wees and poos. No.

We've sanitised Tiny with a L'Occitane Lavender Bath and blitzed her hair.

I am just hoping that wee contains some kind of anti-ageing properties despite its pungent whiff. I can not wait to get into a steaming hot shower and wash that wee right outta my pores.

A Bog Post

Let's cast our minds back to how I actually came up with the name for my blog: PottyMouthMama. I was in the thick of toilet training. All I could think of was potties. Bribes. Star charts. And cleaning the potty. It was all consuming for me as a young mama.

PottyMouthMama really has nothing to do with the fact that I *accidentally* swear, and therefore Tiny could be found in the back of our car cussing with the best of them. She's a small wharfie in the making. And even when I asked her to stop saying: "Oh F-bomb", she continued. Ouch.

Anyway, back to the reason there is a really special toilet seat posted on my blog. And let me tell you, this place I like to keep kind of immaculate, and you're wondering why there's a toilet on my blog? Why PottyMouthMama, why? And why the crass title? Well for good reason.

This toilet seat may just be the key to getting a reluctant toilet trainer on the toot. It's not your usual white loo seat. It has fishes! It has star fishes! It has sand! Shells! Blue faux water!

Or it could really freak them out. Which could be good if you have a child that likes to sit on the toilet for long periods of time. Let them know a shark may bite their little bot-bot if they straggle.

Actually, don't do that. It won't do anything for their toileting.

The Fine Art of Potty Training

A couple of people asked me for toilet/potty training tips. Trust me, I am no expert. I stumble my way through this process, and it's always in hindsight that I go - dang I should have done this, I should have seen that coming and so on.

I'm no pro-pottytrainer.

But my tips are as follows, for anyone who wants to play along with the PottyMouthMama's Potty Training Academy.

1. Wait for Summer. Or at least until the weather is warmer. It's miserable training in Winter. Summer you can get nuded up (well, I leave that to the smalls), and it's not so uncomfortable if accidents happen.

2. Ask them if they need to go to the toilet. Look for visual cues. If you're in tune with your small, you might be surprised with what cues they give that they need to visit the AWESOME POTTY!


3. Undies! Get them to choose some cute undies, or I buy the 10 pack from Target. They're cute, they're cheap, and if there are any epic accidents, it's no big dealio to toss them if you can't face washing them (been there, eeeeep! For some reason a poo in undies is worse than poo in a nappy. Go figure.).


4. Be prepared for accidents. They do happen. And it's no biggie. And don't make the mistake of making a big deal about it. Clean it up and continue on your merry way.


5. Make it fun! Going to the toilet is FUN! Who doesn't love going to the toilet??! Be excited when they do well! Show that you're pleased. Small fry love to please! They love you to praise them and feel proud of them! (Who doesn't?) PRAISE! PRAISE! PRAISE! It's the best thing you'll walk away from this lesson with!


6. Make a star chart. Don't spend any money on a start chart. Grab a texta, a sheet of paper, some sticker stars, or hearts or whatever it is your little person digs, and chart their success. I always have say 3-5 stars and then they get a surprise. Not a big surprise. Like a sheet of their own stickers, or a Freddo Frog, or a Matchbox car, or a hi-bouncer. Something that they're going to dig! And make sure you tell them that it's for being so AWESOME! (You can say all you like about positive reinforcement, but it works for me!)


7. If they're not ready, no biggie. In my small career as a Potty Trainer, I have stopped and started the process a number of times. If they're not ready, if it's not clicking - no biggie! Take a break from the Potty Training Academy for a couple of weeks, or even a month, and try again later. Kids learn so quickly, and removing the pressure makes a big difference. You won't feel so angsty, and trust me, they pick up on that!



8. And in hindsight, invest in either a good seat that sits straight on the toilet - as well as a step (or some are all one thing which is pretty tricky) to make them feel safe, or a potty that doesn't mean spillage and slipping and sliding all over the floor. I used a cheap potty both times, and it worked, but it also meant extra cleaning. HMPH! But if you can't squeeze your budget any more for a fancy pants potty - don't worry about it, just keep the Pine O Clean handy.

9. Books! You can pick up some cute books about potty training - either visit a bookstore, trawl online or check out your local library. If kids read about, often they can imagine themselves in that situation. Here are some links to books we like in our household:

• Who's In The Loo? Jeanne Willis & Adrian Reynolds
• On Your Potty! Virginia Miller
• Everyone Poops Taro Gomi
• Big Boys Use The Potty!
• The No Cry Potty Training Solution Elizabeth Pantley (Adult reading)

10. I didn't invest a lot of money in pull-ups either. I think they're a bit of a rort, UNLESS you're going on a roadtrip or long plane trip, then I think they're worth it just for piece of mind.



11. And as for age, it really is whenever you feel they are ready. As I said, I tried a few different times with both my kids. We stopped and started and did it at our own leisure. Don't feel pressured if your child is not ready.


And remember. PottyMouthMama is no expert!

image via

PottyMouthMama Does Potty Training Academy 102

In the last couple of months we've found ourselves back at toilet training.

Let this be heard: I hate toilet training. Hate it. It is, without doubt, one of my least favourite bits of parenting. Not that I am particularly into nappies, but toilet training. UGH!

But enough of that.

Tiny is trumping the Toilet Training Academy, star charting her way to success. She's all sorts of awesome.

Sure we've had a few hiccups, but she's come up with the goods. She's ace. She'll be graduating from the Academy very soon with flying colours.

I do have to ask whoever is in charge of designing potties though. What gives? Why did you make it so difficult to transfer contents of potty to the toilet? I never fail to make more of a mess when making this transaction. I could question the fact that I bought a budget potty, but no matter, it's a utilitarian purchase, and given this, it should work? Yes. Tiny has held up her part of the deal, but what about you, dear potty designers of the world?

image via Babble

Poo-casso

Chris Olifi's elephant poo paintings via

We are going through a transition here at PMM HQ. Tiny is letting us know she's around. With. A. Vengeance.

She's been throwing huge tantrums on a daily, let's say hourly basis, and really putting us through our paces.

Is there any downtime?

Currently no. She's been night waking as well which is driving us bonkers. I'm thinking of enlisting her early. Is that wrong?

Additionally to all the tantie-pantsing she's been banging on with, she refuses to wear clothes. As soon as we dress her (if we can dress her), she freaks out and takes everything off. Including her nappy.

This weekend this has resulted in:

- poo on the couch cushion

- me picking her up and smelling the distinct whiff of an incontinent old vagrant, only to realise that she's wee-d all over her bed

- a distinct wee puddle on the carpet

- a very distinct stain on the carpet on Matt's side of the bedroom where he's tried to scrub out her poo-tacular adventures

- the piece de resistance? Matt letting me know that while I was out galavanting with girlfriends, she'd very kindly done some poo paintings in her bed and really worked that pooint into the blanket and actually all the bedding. Phew. Must book in more outings with the gal pals. Narrowly avoided cleaning that up.

Mean Mama has now started rekindling the love of onesies. They are few and far between in size 2. Any other options friends?

Here at the Widdle Stop Cafe...

About a million years ago I mentioned we were in the throes of toilet training. Well, here at the Widdle Stop Cafe, I am pleased to say, the torture, oh I mean learning experience is over. Phew.. It was a long slog. In fact, I think it took almost 8 months to say that we're pretty well done and dusted. Not that I am complaining. To be on the other side is a great thing, we weren't particularly pushy about it, we wanted it to be driven by the little man at his own pace.

Given we had a new baby, I thought we'd put it off til this upcoming summer.. But our little man decided it was time to train, and train he did (hey anything to do with trains and he's there!).

I blogged about Elizabeth Pantley's book (she has an appropriate surname, no?) about toilet training. I bought it. I read a bit. But really, we trusted our own intuition.

We star charted it like there was no tomorrow. Reward. Reward. Reward. Bulk packs of Matchbox cars were a big hit (one at a time of course). Smarties - a hit. Anything 'treat' like - a hit. I have to admit, there was a lot of 'attempting' in order to get some runs on the board, or in this case stars on the chart. And we rewarded it all. It was positive reinforcement to the max turned up to ten.

We did hit a standstill. We stopped for a couple of weeks. I felt frustrated and cranky - he picked up on that. So we went cold turkey. And that was definitely a good thing, because when we returned to it - he went hammer and tongs and nailed it.

We, as parents, made mistakes. And that's ok. It was hard work - some days. But for the most part, it just became part of the routine. Even though we're done, there are still going to be accidents. We're all ok with this. I made a purchase a while back, which I kind of questioned at the time, but I'm glad I did because it's been used - but only a couple of times. It's really just a precautionary thing - the Kiddopotamus Piddle Pad. Pretty silly name - but it makes sense. Pop it in your car seat or pram and it saves it from being peed on.

Now I am just trying to convince my little dude that he can do a wee while we're out and about. For now, he's got stage fright, and holds on 'til we get home.