Oscars 2014:: Kelly Osbourne, Scorsese, Naomi Watts, Gaga, Margot Robbie, and WOWOWOWOW!! Julie Delpy.

Kelly Osbourne is appearing in Mary Poppins. You didn't know this. Now you do. You heard it here first. 

Scorsese's suit is wow. Amazing. Ok who am I kidding? I don't give a toss about tuxedos. Once you've seen one piece of black fabric cut into a boring suit, you've seen all the boring bits of black fabric. 

Naomi Watts, to me, friends, feels a bit safe. You know me, I love some colour, I love some razzle. I love some pomp and circumstance. You look lovely. But - oh let's just jolly well fast forward. 

Gaga, oh la la. Gaga, oh la la. See what I did there? I can see why the papa-paparazzi are going berserk. Call up Alessandro, get him on the Telephone. There's no Bad Romance here. This is sheer red carpet magic. I know you see what I did there. And you liked it.

Margot Robbie was probably slated as stealing the thunder from J-Law. And here she is - dressed in black. Is she in the next Men in Black? Is she in mourning with Glenn Close? As my mother would say, black is such a harsh colour. And this thunder from down under failed to storm. 

Ahhh mon chérie! Très bien! Très jolie! Julie Delpy, despite me detesting all those sunrise, sunset movies, this dress is divine, and I am madly in love with it. Truly. Madly. Deeply.