Today

My eyes are sore, my heart is heavy. Rest in peace Robin Williams. You always made me laugh, but not today.

If you or a friend need help urgently, Lifeline 13 11 14 and the Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 are available 24/7. You could visit a GP or your local emergency department. 

For information about depression, and a short self-test, go to www.blackdoginstitute.org.au.

Our House Has Gastro

Last week, after having a very nasty tumble, Tiny got gastro. It was not particularly good timing because she was just recovering from the fall - which left her with a grazed, bruised and swollen nose, bruised lip, wobbly teeth, grazed knees and just a general feeling of shakiness. 

But heck. When is a good time for gastro?

Apparently anytime is a good time for gastro. Last night was a good time for it to come over, because straight after basketball the Doctor told me he felt like he was going to vomit. 

You can only imagine how overjoyed I was at this point. And then the vomiting commenced, and then it went from there. All night. YAY GASTRO!

It's now 2:15pm and I've only just caught up with the washing. I started at 5am. 

I am so tired party people. So tired. Someone prop my eyes open with some matchsticks. 

Sad cat image via Pinterest

Offspring: I'm Not Over It

I've spent today feeling sad.

WHY?

Patrick, my friends, Patrick. 

I feel like I've lost a good friend who was on the cusp of greatness. 

I probably sound plum loco - but last night I sat on the couch sobbing my little heart out. 

And this morning I bought myself some flowers to console myself.

Call me cuckoo, but I think the Offspring writers need to organise some expensive counselling for me. 

I am SO SAD. 

Grey Matters. Does It?

Pre-Christmas I had my my haircut. It was a red hot, dry, brittle mess and needed some TLC. I just had a wee trim and was joking with my hairdresser saying "If you find any grey hairs, tell me."

And then I expected her to say - "Oh Lexi, there's no grey hairs."

But alas, Kellie responded with "Oh yes I did just find one."

I was agog, I was aghast was my hair turning into an old lady's at last?

I almost fell out of my chair and asked her to show me this ruthless grey. She hunted around and found it. I asked her to pull it out. She declined. I told her to show me where it was - and I yanked that sucker out.

Just two weeks later, I asked my sister Sarah to check if I had any unruly greys. She found another.

This is Bad News Boulevarde.

And now this week? Two more of those crazy grey bastards. Assimilating with the rest of the brunettes as though they're meant to be there. 

What to do?

I'm having a quiet sad-on that they're out there, Mulder. I'm quietly going grey, and I hate it. I've studied why I hate it - because it's beyond my control. 

I know. I am Captain Ridiculous. With grey hairs. 

I've Lost My Funny

I don't know what's happened to me, but I've lost my funny. I've tried getting it back, but this week - it's MIA.

I've lost the wind in my sails, there's nothing floating my boat, no one's blowing my skirt up, I have officially lost my funny.

What's a clown without the funny? A weird person with odd make-up issues.

I'm usually a very happy person. But this week, I'm so low I could do the limbo.

Why have my wheels fallen off my apple cart? 

Tell me a joke. And tell me where my funny has gone. Please?

Image via Pinterest

Clive James

Saddened to read that Clive James has said that he believes he's lost his battle with leukemia, it made me think of his rich, almost iconic voice.

Such a clever, witty and intelligent man. I vividly remember being transfixed by him. Laughing out loud before anyone LOLed.

I had a bit of an obsession with The Clive James show in high school, and loved him. I kept coming back for more.

I just had to find this clip of Margarita Pracatan performing on The Clive James show back in 1996. In fact, I watched this just a couple of months ago because I often think of Margarita Pracatan. I know. My mind is an unusual place.

From essays, poetry to reviews, the man has a wonderful way with words. I think that's why I was drawn to him.

Looking for some Clive James clever-ness? Here. Here. And here.

Reading.

I know I've written about this book before, but I'm going there again because it is one of my all-time favourite reads. It's beautifully written, moving, and I marvel at it on each read. Given tomorrow marks 10 years since 9/11 it seems quite fitting to re-read it right now.
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I can still remember exactly where I was when I found out about 9/11. My Mum and Dad rang me really early to tell me to turn the TV on. I did, and couldn't fathom what I was seeing. Why was this plane flying into the building? The reality didn't register for me.

I then had to go to work, and spent the loneliest, greyest, longest day waiting for news. I worked in a store, by myself, and kept going to the cafe next door for updates. I remember that day, and can instantly recall that sick pit in my stomach. I can barely believe it's been 10 years already, watching those two buildings crumble, and the days afterward hearing and reading about too many people's last day.

There's a really good special report over at NY Times if you're interested.

Our Weekend

I drove up to my Mum and Dad's place on Thursday. Just the smalls and myself.

It's only a four and a half hour drive, but I was so tired. I drank two coffees, one cup of tea, and a medium post-mix Coke. Ordinarily I only have one caffeinated drink a day. But I was so weary.

We celebrated our beloved Grandmother's life. We cried. We laughed. We caught up with relatives that we had not seen in too long.

I hated leaving today. I would have liked to have stayed up there longer, but life continues. I always find that such a hard thing to deal with when grieving. Why is everyone oblivious to the waves of grief? You know that feeling? You just want a stand-still, out of respect.

And the drive home was long. The Doctor kept talking for most of it. Tiny screamed for part of it.

I am quietly exhausted. I think I have car-lag. Curled up on the couch thinking about my family. Glad to have had that time to remember some beautiful memories and remember and rejoice in a wonderful and inspiring life.

A Lighter Shade of Grey

Things are feeling very subdued. I feel like everyone's a knocked-back shade of colour because of the floodings, the death, the loss. The widespread violence and unpredictability of nature.

I don't even know what to say at the moment. I can grapple my way through, and tell you that I feel shattered. And as a mum, I just feel incredibly moved by the story of Jordan Rice. It breaks me.

I want to help in bigger ways than just giving money. I want to be a body pushing mud out of the way so someone can restart their life. I want to do someone's washing. I want to give someone a warm bed, so they can feel a little safer, a little more comfortable. I want to help.

How are you feeling?

For My Friend, Mia

It's short. It's sweet. But play this song. It's beautiful. Celebrate small things. Celebrate big things. Live big. x

Find Andrew

You know when things really resonate with you? My Dad told me a while ago about this father who was riding his bicycle through Europe looking for his small son who had been kidnapped by his former wife. A man who left his job as a fireman to scour the world for his son? Man, that just breaks my heart.

And then I saw SMH today and my heart leapt. Ken Thompson has finally had word that his son is in Amsterdam.

Louis des Bernieres talks about it his struggle to find fair ground here.

image via SMH

Wow.

I think I have had what will go down in PMM history as one of the most crummy weeks of my life.

Truth be, I probably won't remember it in just a few mere weeks, but right now, oh man, it stinks.



This is the only thing that can lift my spirits. You can take the girl out of the country... THIGH SLAP!

The Loooooong Weekend.

You've probably already seen this dude. I posted this a few weeks ago on MumSpace but I love him so much I'm sharing him again. He is incredibly good. Bieber... Bieber.. Who's Bieber?

We've had a big weekend. Not big as in boozy. Big as in, I've been everywhere man, I've been everywhere. I've been to Picton, Thirlmere, Bowral, Appin, Stanwell Park, Turramurra, Wahroonga, Thornleigh, Epping, Hornsby I've been everywhere man.

We took le Boing Boing back to the lady and I completely understimated how emotional that was going to be. The Doctor was sad, his face crumbled when he realised that this was really happening, which of course, set me off to crumble town. We said goodbye to our superficially beautiful bunny and now life feels a bit odd without him... I'm even teary just thinking about is.. Just seeing his hutch is unusually poignant and grey.

Anyway.. How was your weekend? What's up in your 'hood?

Oh Cracker Jacks!

Damn the fact we're pov knockers and damn the fact we don't have pay TV. Damn the fact I can't watch Mad Men tonight (Series 3 starts tonight peeps!). Joanie and Peggy and Betty. I love you. I love you girls. I really do.

Don't Say Anything At All

Remember that age-old, if you've got nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all?

" . .
.

.... . ...

..."

'nuff said. I think I'm going into hibernation. July just got uglier. I think it might even be hideous. Full of disappointment and heart ache.

Have You Seen Teddy Boombastic?

As a continuation of ugly July we've now lost the Doctor's very favourite bear - Teddy Boombastic. He was given to the Doctor by my Dad. Four years ago. He's well loved and goes everywhere, Christopher Robin stylie, a boy and his beloved bear.

I've looked everywhere, turned the house upside down, the car inside out, questioned the Doctor (who keeps pointing the finger at Tiny and saying she's hidden it from him).

I've called all the shops, I can't even remember if Teddy came with us, but I'm just calling anyway. Blindly. No joy.

I've called the makers - Tomfoolery - nope, no cigar. They discontinued 'Albert' a while ago (why, why teddy bear makers? Is it to prematurely age weary parents?).

Would you believe - above is the only shot I can find of my little Christopher Robin with his bear? What a bad mummy.

If anyone has seen Tomfoolery 'Albert' in a shop - I've already been told I have Buckley's of finding one, please let me know. I am desperate.

In a bid to end ugly July.
Yours,
PMM x

The Difficult Post

via

I'm sorry for my previous post. I just find it difficult to know what to say.

So I'll just say this.

Last week a little cousin left us unexpectedly. She was only three. A beautiful, wide-eyed three year old with a smile to match.

Needless to say, today was a big day and such a sad farewell.

Send Out A Salute

Thanks to those who gave me book recommendations for the Doctor. We got 'Beginnings and Endings with Lifetimes in Between' by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen. We'll visit the library over the weekend to find some more.

Today is a really difficult day. One of those days when you wake up and no matter what, you can't lull yourself back to sleep because you know what's to come.

Make sure you hold your smalls close, breathe them in, hold them, really, really hold them. Remember that. Take a mental snapshot. Write about it. Breathe them again. Tell them you love them. You can never tell them enough.

Good night sweet prince

And flights of angels, sing thee to thy rest!

- Hamlet, V, ii

Discussions

image via

This weekend Matt and I have been discussing Michael Jackson. So many questions. But we got to chatting about the allegations - that were dismissed - about Michael and his young house guests. I didn't ever believe that MJ was guilty. I put it to Matt, that if either of our children were ever abused in such a way - would you really settle out of court? Would you? I know I wouldn't. I'd want that person put away. I'd want justice. There's no amount of money that would settle that.

Now I've just come across this. Jordan Chandler has confessed it was all a big sham concocted by his father - and now Jordan's apologised.

I've been trying to source some old MJ albums, but they're sold out everywhere. That's some kind of sweet poetic justice. Even if it is a small thing.

Go here to read more about Michael's style legacy.

Life Rolls

It was just this morning when Tiny and I were on our morning walk that I spyed a fattened bee. It made me think about the minutiae of life. About how no matter what, life will continue, in whatever guise.

The bees will still visit the flowers.

The sun will still peek through the cracks in the curtains.

The grass will slowly make it's way through the dirt.

The birds will still make songs.

Life continues. And it's kind of comforting.

And it's just this afternoon that I've discovered that one of Matt's great colleagues died yesterday, after a long battle. I'm thinking of her and her family. And all the great stories Matt told me of her. She was a buoyant, vivacious lady. I know she will be missed, and fondly remembered by many.

If you can, please give money to Lifehouse. Maybe this way we can help those who need it, in whatever small way it is.