Saturday, 8 December 2012

And Then Everything Changes



Just like that. In one phone call - life has the power to throw you to the ground and into a state of shock that you didn't anticipate. One moment you're on the fast track to birthdays and Christmas - the very next, you're tossed - you were blindsided.

There I was, naively thinking life was turning a corner. That we were getting on with things - and that very afternoon, I'm left wondering what life is about - and why?

My beautiful, beloved, warm and funny aunty passed away very suddenly. Far too young. Far too much life left within her. And yet - gone. 

It's been 18 months since we last saw her - and I can't quite fathom that we'll only see her again in photographs and mind maps. She had a wonderful laugh. 

Sal had the knack of making you feel well at ease. I still remember her saying "Al!" and cuddling me, a huge all-encompassing embrace. She had sparkly eyes and oozed awesome-ness. 

Whip smart, and full of fun, my goodness we will miss her. I thought she was forever. That's how life isn't it? It trips you up. Throws you down. Pins you to a place that you hoped wasn't close - that grief, those terrible waves, that waking in the middle of the night - and remembering - and then the sleeplessness that ensues. 

I wish I got to spend more time with her. 

24 comments:

SarahMac said...

Oh I'm so sorry for your loss. Yes that does seem to be the way life goes, it can change in an instant. Thinking of your family.

Milina said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Life really is unfair sometimes. Thoughts and prayers are with you xo

Lindy Taylor said...

Thinking of you Lexi. Wish I could give you a hug.

Sam said...

Oh Lexi, so sorry for your loss.

Death always conjures up thoughts of our own life and mortality. I know I always question life, and what I'm doing with myself...

Go gently my dear, thinking of you xx

Bek said...

That's so so hard. Thinking of you and your family. Xo

Mrs Smith said...

Lots of love to you Lexi, she sounds like a wonderful woman.

Norbyah Nolasco said...

oh lexi, i'm so sorry to hear about your aunt. you're right. just when you figure you've got life sorted out, it throws you for a loop. she must have been amazing. i hope you find some comfort in the warm memories you have of your time together.
xo
n

Anonymous said...

You are so interesting! I do not suppose I've truly read through anything like this before. So good to find somebody with a few original thoughts on this topic. Seriously.. many thanks for starting this up. This site is something that's needed on
the web, someone with a little originality!
Have a look at my web-site :: borkum riff original

Jaclyn said...

Lexi I am so sorry - it's a moment you never want to experience, that sudden shift when everything changes. i'm hoping the loving memories carry you through those sad, sleepness nights. xx

Small Catalogue said...

So very sad for you and yours, Lexi. Lots of love xx

Anonymous said...

Hello! I'm at work browsing your blog from my new apple iphone! Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts! Carry on the outstanding work!
Also see my site > amphora pipe tobacco

Kate Moore said...

Oh, I am so sorry to hear. Yes. Life is precious.

Jess said...

OH Lex, I"m so sorry to hear that. Big love and hugs and thoughts to you xo

Carla said...

Dearest Lexi (Alex), I am so terribly sorry to hear of your loss.
I hope the memories of your beloved Aunt brings comfort to both you and your family at this time.
Thinking of you all xx

Veggie Mama said...

I'm super-sorry to hear this, dude. I lost an uncle a few months ago... nearly crashed my car the other day because I saw someone who looked like him. I stared so hard, my eyes telling me one thing and my brain trying to point out he was gone, and it was impossible. How can they be here one day and gone forever the next? Still can't comprehend I'll never see him again. So sad. Much love to you x

Louisa said...

I am so very sorry to hear this Lexi. I was just thinking today about my own aunt who passed away almost 3 years ago. It sux, a lot. Just sending a lot of love to you all and hope you can allow yourself the time and space to remember and grieve well for her and for your loss. xx

Josephine said...

Rough. My aunt passed away 2 years ago very, very suddenly. She was 53 and her life looked to be opening up for her. I'll never understand why the universe thought it was time for her to go. I think of her everyday. She was my mum's sister and best friend and we mourn her still. Peace to you and the family. I'm sorry.

Miss Cinders said...

I'm so sorry hunny zxx

Michelle said...

My thought are with you Lexi, how sad. I'm so sorry for your loss xxx

Sunday Collector said...

X O X

Bianca said...

Oh Lexi. I'm so sad and so sorry to hear about your Aunty Sal. Love to you and your family. Yes. Life is far too precious. And unfair. And perplexing. We lost a very good friend this year. Your description of grief is far too accurate. xx

mama bear said...

So sorry to hear this Lexi. You've written about her beautifully. Thinking of you and your family xxx

theredthread said...

I'm late to read this, but wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. Your post is so beautifully written. Sending love and condolences to you and your family. xx

Tiles Tips said...

I am so sorry to hear about your aunty's sudden death. May god bless her.
~ Herman Swan
Architectural Stone