Why Hello There

Thank you for all your kind comments over the weekend - it really touched me. I always think of that adage - a problem shared is a problem halved (is that right?) and think it absolutely applies when you're grieving. You feel less alone. Blogging is good like that. 

This last week, losing my Aunty so suddenly, has made me study life more closely. Re-assess what's important. And think about my own mortality. 

Sally was someone who touched the lives of many people within the community. I am buoyed by the thought that so many people will remember her effervescence and warmth. 
---------------------------------------

It's a crazy time of year and I feel like I'm spreading myself thin. We're all in the same boat. 

I'm rushing around the city and feeling like I'm not getting any time to myself - but it will happen. I'm taking some time off over Christmas and I can. not. wait. 

Tiny had her Christmas concert at preschool today. I had to employ my tips to help myself from crying. Because right now, if I leak one tear, I'll soon be sitting in a puddle. It was bittersweet - Tiny's starting school next year - I can't quite fathom how we got here so soon. One minute she's a mermaid swimming into the world, the next she's been wearing her school uniform almost all week. She's so excited. 

My Tiny turns five on Sunday. My funny, smart, thoughtful, kind, cheeky Tiny turns five. She's almost not tiny anymore. 

We were going to have a party for her this week, but it felt like too much right now. Emotionally I just can't do it. So we've postponed until January. Someone tell me that's ok. I knew I should have organised it back in September. December babies totally luck out.
----------------------------------------
Four weeks ago my sister and I started group personal training. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I've really loved having a reason to get up in the morning - to meet with my sister and get our heartbeats up underneath the gum trees before most people have even switched their alarms off. 

Personally it's meant more changes - not just with diet (less alcohol, less sugar, less crap), but it's meant I feel like I get time to spend on me. I think as a mum it's super important. It's valuable to feel valued and it feels good to look after myself. 

What about you? What are you up to? 

image via here

And Then Everything Changes

Just like that. In one phone call - life has the power to throw you to the ground and into a state of shock that you didn't anticipate. One moment you're on the fast track to birthdays and Christmas - the very next, you're tossed - you were blindsided.

There I was, naively thinking life was turning a corner. That we were getting on with things - and that very afternoon, I'm left wondering what life is about - and why?

My beautiful, beloved, warm and funny aunty passed away very suddenly. Far too young. Far too much life left within her. And yet - gone. 

It's been 18 months since we last saw her - and I can't quite fathom that we'll only see her again in photographs and mind maps. She had a wonderful laugh. 

Sal had the knack of making you feel well at ease. I still remember her saying "Al!" and cuddling me, a huge all-encompassing embrace. She had sparkly eyes and oozed awesome-ness. 

Whip smart, and full of fun, my goodness we will miss her. I thought she was forever. That's how life isn't it? It trips you up. Throws you down. Pins you to a place that you hoped wasn't close - that grief, those terrible waves, that waking in the middle of the night - and remembering - and then the sleeplessness that ensues. 

I wish I got to spend more time with her. 

The End Is Nigh

My computer has been dying a long and slow and very ugly death.

It constantly blue screens me. Makes an alarm noise. It's crazy. But then I got it fixed. It was ok. We were back, friends in love. And now a just a few mere months down the track - it's latest affliction? Well the AC adaptor won't connect with the er, connection, and so I have to hold the cord in while I type one-handed. It stinks. Imagine blogging/working/paying bills/living la vida loca with one hand in some precarious position - oh and I can't move because it fritzes out and flatlines all over - while one-handed. It stinks.

I'm on Matt's computer because it does not have these same issues. Thank goodness.

I have a history of 'puters with afflictions. My last laptop died because the Doctor (at just 18 months of age) snuck over with his cup o' milk in hand and splashed the keyboard with a healthy dose of moo milk. I went into denial, left the computer to go to playgroup, returned and the screen was covered in pixelated computer speak. I freaked out and the computer dude made an emergency trip to my house, and had to literally drain the laptop of milk - and make a coffee with the score - and then thankfully rescued everything off the hard-drive for me. RIP Laptop.

Computers, sometimes you make me MAD!

If any computer companies wanted to send me a 'puter, I am totes happy to chat about how fabulous you are 'til the cow's come home. Milk companies need not apply.

Kingdom

It was just this morning I was lamenting the last drops of my favourite fragrance. Kingdom by Alexander McQueen. It was discontinued a couple of years ago. I clearly remember walking out the front door on the way to preschool wondering if they ever re-release a fragrance. I know they do. But not often.

And then after a quick spell at the shops, Tiny and I came home, lunched, faffed around the house and then she went to bed.

I got online only to discover that the creative zeitgeist Alexander McQueen has died. Tragic. A real creative, witty, clever genius.

What do you say when someone so great dies?

All I can think to say is, if you need help, or someone to talk to, please do, maybe, hopefully, it will help.

Beyond Blue

Emergency appointment with your local doctor (General Practitioner) check the White Pages for the phone number. You can find a GP in your area who has had extra training in mental health by looking at the beyondblue Find a Doctor List.
Contact your local public hospital.
beyondblue info line 1300 22 4636
Lifeline - 13 11 14.
Suicide Helpline Victoria - 1300 651 251.
Kids Help Line (free call) - 1800 55 1800.
Mensline - 1300 789 978.

The Difficult Post

via

I'm sorry for my previous post. I just find it difficult to know what to say.

So I'll just say this.

Last week a little cousin left us unexpectedly. She was only three. A beautiful, wide-eyed three year old with a smile to match.

Needless to say, today was a big day and such a sad farewell.

Discussions

image via

This weekend Matt and I have been discussing Michael Jackson. So many questions. But we got to chatting about the allegations - that were dismissed - about Michael and his young house guests. I didn't ever believe that MJ was guilty. I put it to Matt, that if either of our children were ever abused in such a way - would you really settle out of court? Would you? I know I wouldn't. I'd want that person put away. I'd want justice. There's no amount of money that would settle that.

Now I've just come across this. Jordan Chandler has confessed it was all a big sham concocted by his father - and now Jordan's apologised.

I've been trying to source some old MJ albums, but they're sold out everywhere. That's some kind of sweet poetic justice. Even if it is a small thing.

Go here to read more about Michael's style legacy.