Monday, 25 February 2013

Oscars 2013:: Kelly Rowland, Kristen Chenoweth, Renee Zellweger, Sandra Bullock, Fan BingBing

 The leg is back. Let's make it public. I am so freaking sick of the leg. Leg be gone! And Kelly Rowland. Lady. Let's talk. It's about your hair. You look like the 80s chewed you up and spat you out. Fire your hair stylist. And moisturise your leg for goodness sake. If you've got to flaunt it, moisturise it.

 I think Kristen Chenoweth slept funny last night because her head is on this jaunty angle and her smile says: "Kelly Rowland's hair dresser got to me, and tried to inflict me with the same head injury. Luckily I do not have a fringe." And smile for the camera. 
Did you know Renee Zellweger has been petitioning for the Oscars statue to be re-cast using a female figure? She was so busy with the placards she forgot to do her hair and make-up. 
Sandy, you look classic, sophisticated, beautiful. But this gown just doesn't do it for me. I might even say you dragged it out of Miss Havisham's wardrobe. 
Fan BingBing - whoever you are, I love your origami-esque folds of the bodice of your dress, and your alabaster skin against your raven hair. Sigh. This Schiaparelli pink is very pretty. I concede, it is duchesse satin, but it's working for you, this gown almost transcends time and I'd expect Grace Kelly to walk up behind you. I know. Even I'm shocked at myself. 


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