MTV VMAs:: Demi Lovato, Kim Kardashian, Chloe Moretz, Rita Ora

Demi Lovato. Proudly sponsored by Hollywood Tape. And Supa Glue. And anything sticky. Those suckers can not get out, we repeat, do not let those puppies out.

Recently I was saddened by the fact that Tiny told me she doesn't like Barbie. I had spent much of my childhood playing with Barbie, styling her outfits, her hair, her everything, and wondering how she got so flexible. 

I am pretty sure Kanye can relate. 

Chanel Iman looks like she's been part digested by the very hungry crocodile. 

I kind of like this look. It's cute and a little quirky - however I'm not convinced it's altogether red carpet worthy. If this was the Nickelodeon awards I would dunk her with slime for looking a bit too Golden Girls when she's meant to be making a splash. 

My case in point? Rita Ora. Game. Set. Match. 

MTV VMAs:: Katy Perry, Jenny from the block, Laverne Cox, Hannah Montana

Is Katy Perry taking the piss? Is this paying homage to Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears? Someone LET ME IN ON THE JOKE! This is hurting my eyeballs. PS - aren't grills so 2002?

How much denim is too much denim? This post is basically a denim orgy. Proof that this is definitely too much denim. 

She's still, she's still Jenny from the block, don't be fooled by the criss-cross frock that she's got, she's still, she's still Jenny from the block. Someone needs to give all the extra fabric back to the designers. This look is not funny. Give them some damn fabric before I get all Hulk-irate. 

Leggy, lovely, sparkly, beautiful Laverne Cox. It's just a shame she didn't visit the bathroom before heading onto the red carpet. 

So here I am madly decluttering my house in prep for the real estate agent, and I can't find a damn garbage bag anywhere, when I switch on my computer and low and behold Miley has stolen not only the garbage bags but also the gaffa tape. And it would appear she has a cramp in her foot too. 

MTV VMAs:: Ariana Grande, It's a Pantsuit, Fonzie, Banana Man.

 Big mistake. Huge mistake. 

I feel like this is something one of the mum's from school would wear to trivia night. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Fonzie is back! Actually, no, it's Adam Levine. And do I have a funny story for you or what?! 

One night I was looking for a song to cheer me up. It had been a long, sad day, it was the day Robin Williams had died, and I heard this song playing in the 'Begin Again' trailer. It was EXACTLY the song I needed to hear right then and there. So I googled. Came up empty. I looked through the soundtrack, but what I heard was a powerful, soulful amazing black female voice. I went through the playlist, nope, nope, nope. I finally resigned myself to listening to the entire soundtrack (not really a chore) thinking that this incredible voice was perhaps not the frontrunner, but maybe someone guesting on the soundtrack. I thought I was going to fall down some rabbit hole and find this amazing new female talent that I could fall in love. Someone all Aretha Franklin, belting out beautiful music. 

Fast forward to 2:42 in this song - and you'll discover. It wasn't a female voice, it was Adam Levine falsetto stylie. Crumbs. I am bonkers. 

Did someone order a Banana-gram? 

MTV VMAs 2014:: Solange, Nicki Minaj, Taylor Swift, Iggy Azalea, Jordin Sparks, Amber Rose, Jessie J

So much yes right here. Don't even dare say anything bad about Solange. Not one peep. For me, she just always nails it, never puts a fashion foot wrong (perfect segue to look at her midnight blue pedi). I just love this oversized glittering black suit and Diana Ross-esque hair. Simple, stylish, ridiculously cool. (PS it's from H&M.)

As far as Minaj and red carpets go - I think we came off pretty well this year. She's actually not revealing 99% of her skin. Instead she is showing off some snake skin instead. Pretty tasteful if you've seen the Anaconda film clip 0_o which is now burnt into my retinas. Plus her hairs are looking pretty glam. I rate it! 

Whoever pulled this swifty on Swifty should be given a firm talking to. Girlfriend better not squat down or she's going to have a major wedgie and the aftermath of a camel toe to contend with. Ain't nobody's business getting into her business. 

FYI - this is not Darryl Hannah. It's Iggy Azalea in metallic Versace. I love the cut of her jib, the line of her hips, pretty well everything. Hot.

What is that thing in the US where they're not meant to wear white until after Labor Day? Or vice versa? Jordin Sparks (who is this?) is moonlighting on The Love Boat and CSI Miami as a croupier. She took Captain Stubing AND Horatio Caine as her dates. Talk about working the red carpet. 

Amber Rose is a beautiful, smart woman. Sadly I can not say the same for this dress. Or lack of. 

I just realised I haven't put the celery back in the fridge. It's going to be wilted and no one likes wilty celery.